The Shrine Of The Heart

2006-11-09T23:53:00.000+08:00

guys, i've moved to www.new-shrine-of-the-heart.blogspot.com. No particular reason for the shift la...hope to keep u guys updated with more corny tales and lame jokes.

2006-08-11T22:28:00.000+08:00

I've been thinking about what I want to do in the future.

A year ago, I wrote a five-year plan. I'm pleased that some of the objectives have been met. For instance, I finally got my driving licence. I picked up salsa. I moved out. Some of my other dreams will take more time, but I'm willing to wait because I believe that nothing good comes easy.

I am struggling to overcome the massive reading list that has been plonked in front of me. It's hard not to be intimidated by the overwhelming workload. Guess what? Tutorials have not even started yet. Some of my peers are already mugging hard and spending up to eight hours a day reading case books and legal writing guides. I know that somebody in my OG has even crashed lectures before.

Well, good luck to these people. Hope they get into the Dean's List.

As for me, the two things that I am going to bring into the classroom are an open mind and a positive attitude. I've realised that reading Law is a privelege that I must not take for granted. I do not aspire to get into the Dean's List, but I hope that I will not disappoint myself. I will do my best and make the most out of this opportunity.

Just a couple of days ago, I was behaving childishly and wallowing in self-pity. I was an angry man whining about school work!

Well, I'm glad I've passed that stage. From now on, I hope to approach my work with more passion and enthusiasm. I want to be a more focussed and inquisitive learner. I want to be someone who is confident enough to form an opinion and take a principaled stand. I will choose good role models...Above all, I want to let my strengths come into the open. I realise that there are many bright aspects of my personality that have been hidden for too long.

At the same time, I hope to become more sensitive to the feelings of others. I want to make people laugh and be happy. I aspire to be somebody with the potential to make a positive difference to the people I love.

I am amazed by my sudden change in perspective. I went to bed one night feeling empty and depressed...yet when I woke up, I felt energetic and driven.

God has his reasons for leading me to this path. I have trust in his infinite wisdom.

2006-08-09T18:55:00.000+08:00

Bitten by the flu bug...

Lying in bed now. I really hope that my neighbour stops playing his accordion or whatever satanic musical instrument he is playing now...I can't get any rest because it sounds as if a goat is being eviscerated in the house next door.

How can anybody tahan that odious noise!

Anyway, I've got two little spires of wet tissue shoved up my nostrils like a pair of soggy tampons...utterly miserable, poor little me.

Actually, the flu is not so bad. Lying around in bed in a feverish haze is probably a little like getting high on pot...You feel all light and floaty! It's the ulcers that are giving me hell. I get ulcers all the time but this time, I have a crater under my tongue and another one at the tip of my tongue.

I wonder if I should go for the beach bash tommorow...It's a Hobson's choice, really. If I don't go, people will talk. If I turn up but meet everyone with my shagged, fevered face, people will wonder what's wrong with me...I'd definitely put everyone off with my bad vibes.

So how?

2006-08-05T18:39:00.000+08:00

I've just received my first traffic summons...Twelve demerit points for beating a red light...

Words cannot describe how shitty I feel now. In fact, I feel like I've just bungee jumped into the toilet bowl.

Ever since I got my driving licence, I've been trying my best to be a safe and considerate driver. A fatal moment of hesitation, as well as my indecisiveness, caused my downfall. If I had accelerated and cleared the pedestrain crossing before the amber light turned red, I would have avoided this costly mistake. However, I dithered and ended up stopping ON the crossing...no small distance ahead of the stop line. Unfortunately, the red light camera was not under routine maintainence at that point of time...

I don't know why I made such a silly mistake. Was it inexperience? Was it complacency? Was something wrong with my brakes? I'm still trying to find out why I lost control at the junction.

I've worked so hard for the licence...and now I have put myself in great danger of losing it. I just hope that this lesson stays with me for a long time to come. Well, I guess its time to move on...

I'm grateful that my family and friends have been coming forward to console me. Thanks guys, I really appreciate your kind words. Mum gave me a good tongue-lashing, but she gave words of encouragement as well.

It's times like this when you learn how important the people around you are. If not for them, I'd be feeling much worse...

2006-08-03T22:55:00.000+08:00

At last!

The Daphne Khoo story is up! After weeks of hard work, Ker and I have finally finished our job:)
It's time for him to kick off his boots and take a break...I am glad that the time has come for me to move on to my other stories.

Working on the DK story was challenging yet fun. The experience really exposed me to the local indie rock scene. It was a privilege to catch West Grand jamming at HOME Club. We got invited to their exclusive album launch party too!

This was the first time I was responsible for managing the photo shoots. It was definitely a steep learning curve. Initially, I was a bit apprehensive when I found out that Paul was not behind the camera...I was like, " this new guy can anot? " Thankfully, my fears were unfounded. The photo shoot was brilliant. I felt a small sense of achievement for conceptualising the shoot and successfully managing our conflicting schedules!

Daphne was also very friendly and approachable...which made the whole process fun for everyone.

This marks the end of my first attempt managing the project. Now to move on to smaller things:)

Anyway, here's the url to my story:
http://www.funkygrad.com/campus/displayarticle.php?artID=782&subcat=personality

2006-08-01T20:11:00.000+08:00

I love days when my creative juices flow!

I'm currently planning the menu for my 21st Birthday dinner. It's going to be a cosy and intimate affair. I'll be having a few of my closest friends over for a great meal and some fabulous wine.

Initially, I wanted to attempt something grandoise and awe-inspiring...something with an element of showmanship...something that would make Ferran Adria or Emmanuel Stroobant look like dull and dreary prudes. I wanted to make their emulsions and soup bubbles look safe. Fortunately, sensibility prevailed and I changed my mind. Eventually I decided to stick to something tried and tested. However, I am pretty certain that my guests will still be in for some pleasant surprises!

Usually, I am very careful to steer clear of what is commonly labelled "Fushion Food". Personally, I am not a big fan of oddities like spaghetti laksa and lemongrass pudding. I have always prided myself for not succumbing to the "Fushion" fad when it was still in season. To me, it is important for different cuisines to preserve their cultural identity. I am a sucker for authenticity and I am a purist when it comes to traditional dishes. Fushion is confusion. However, I have decided to throw my prejudices to the wind and do some experimentation this time. When I was planning the menu, I tried to build bridges between different culinary cultures. The results proved to be quite refreshing.

I had alot of fun conceptualising the canapes! I am trying to make each item a visual art piece. I sucked at Art in school, but I am thoroughly satisfied with some of my creations. Hopefully, they would not be overshadowed by Brian's masterpieces on the actual day. I shall refrain from going into details. All I'd reveal at this point of time is, "small is beautiful".

The main courses proved to be very challenging. I tried to come up with dishes that allow the beauty of each ingredient to express itself. At the same time, I had to ensure that the flavours compliment each other. I wanted contrasting flavours, but I was also careful to make sure that the more intense flavours would not overwhelm the subtler naunces. I'm glad that I managed to harmonise everything, on paper at least.

I really want to surprise my guests with the dessert;)

2006-07-27T22:18:00.000+08:00

Dinner with the Senior Counsel was simply beautiful...

The Acacia provided a great Al Fresco experience. We were in an oasis, dining amidst verdant palms and the fragrance of Frangipanis. Thankfully, no mosquitoes came to bug us...it would have ruined this wonderful setting.

The food definitely needs to be improved. A credible rendition of Aglio Olio was marred by rubbery mussels that were unbearably dry...The Caesar's salad was pedestrain and lacked panache. It was also missing the mandatory poached egg. Needless to say, I was unimpressed. Worse, we had to pay for chilled water...and that came in a bottle of Ice Mountain...The pauper's Pellegrino...

The menus were quite tatty as well...I spotted at least half a dozen spelling and grammar errors...I don't usually do this, but these mistakes were just too glaring and obstrusive...

"Ceasar's salad" anybody?

"Muzzles in white wine"?

When a menu contains too many typos, it reflects quite badly on the establishment.

The saving grace of the bistro is the warm and unobstrusive service. The wait staff were attentive to our needs and even placed a mosquito coil under our table. Of course, this was after they overheard me complaining! Rather vocally, if I may add.

After dinner, we went for some sweets at Olivia's in Serangoon Gardens. I am a big fan of gelato. I've always had a soft spot for lemon and tiramisu, but I decided to give other flavours a try. The emerald green apple looked enticing enough, but it was cloyingly sweet. There was no semblance whatsoever to the taste of green apples. It tasted as fake as a silicon implant. The Mocha was not too bad...I was pleasantly surprised by the thin topping of rich coffee dust.

The Senior Counsel had the Oreo gelato...she got her teeth black, which I found really cute.

At the end of the evening, I sent her home. It was very dark and I could not tell which house was hers ( I swear I know the difference during the day!). I sent her to the wrong house...but she was cool about it.

In a sense, the past two weeks have been surreal. I still can't believe that we are doing stuff together. It seems as if we never lost touch in the last three years. I don't know what the future brings. As of now, I am perfectly contented to enjoy her company. It's great to just take her out for dinner once awhile and listen to her talk. I feel very blessed that she is back in my life.

Somehow, I believe the feeling is mutual.

2006-07-26T09:55:00.000+08:00

A socially embarassing situation...

I went to meet K. for dinner last night at Clarke Quay. I had intended to dine with her before she flies off to HK for work. It was a surprise when she led me to a table for ten...My surprise was compounded when some young ladies came over to join us. I was wondering what the occasion was when it dawned upon me-

It was her birthday.

And I had clean forgotten about it.

K.'s friends took turns to present her birthday gifts. I was frantically fishing in my pocket, hoping that there would be a bracelet or some other female paraphenelia that one of my female acquaintances had accidentally left. Unfortunately, the only thing I found was a calcified STARBUCKS serviette that had survived a couple of washes in my jeans. I looked around, desperately thinking of a way to save myself from the impending ignominy...All this time, K. was raving about her new GUESS bag and DKNY watch. The serviette was certainly not in that class, although I believe that it could pass off as a paper machie rose...If you squint really, really hard, that is.

Needless to say, I was struggling to keep a low profile the whole evening. Thankfully, nobody pointed out that I was the only person who did not bring a gift. I was pretty certain that everyone noticed, but at least they were kind enough to keep quiet about it. Anyway, I was utterly sullen throughout dinner. Most of my time at the table was spent chasing my mango pudding around the plate with my fork...

Worse, I had assumed that dinner was gonna be real casual, so I was completely bo chup about my appearance last night...just a pair of over-sized jeans and a simple white long-sleeved shirt. A total mismatch, but at least it was comfy. My hair was in a complete mess as well...not the funky kind of mess...the Tim Burton or Jack Black kind of mess.

Tragically, the lady sitting by my side was a babe. Training to be an SQ girl.

It was one of those awkward American Pie situations. A non partisan third party observer might find it mildly amusing. However, I vowed never to leave the house without making sure that my hair was sensibly groomed. There is a limit to how confident you can appear to be in front of chicks when your hair looks like a vulture's nest!

The chit chat between the babe and I was banal, trite and inane. I must have come across as a boring dullard whose sole recreation in his black-and-white life is collecting stamps. Actually, I don't even collect stamps. I think that collecting stamps requires too much effort and commitment. I prefer to spend my free time lazing in bed.

After dinner, we adjourned to a nearby watering hole for drinks. We were herded into a plush VIP corner with a TV screening ESPN sports news. Unfortunately, the place was quite stuffy and hot. I was grateful to have a cold tangy Cosmo in my hand. At last, I had found a spot to relax! I exhaled and lay back as the house band massacred Yellow, Runaway Train and High And Dry...

N.'s phone call woke me up from my little reverie. For the uninformed, N. is a presence that has been hanging around in my life since a a few weeks ago. Close friends who know about our shared history call her Poison Ivy. I think that she's essentially a sweet and impressionable young person who sees in me the elder brother she never had. It's all very Freudian, really. I just wish she'd cut down on asking "How's your day?".

I don't think much would have changed in my life in the 8 hour intervals between her calls.

Shortly after, I said bye bye to everyone else. I was persuaded to linger a little longer, but I wanted to catch the last train before the taxi uncle had the chance to bleed me dry. As I left, I could not help but feel that the night ended quite well. The food was not bad, the drinks were quite good, and the company was great. It would have been fun if there were a few more guys...After awhile, shopping, slimming tips and Italian men become pretty stale topics. Especially if repeated ad nauseum.

To all my friends out there, please let me know if it's your birthday BEFORE we go for dinner or drinks. I don't wanna get caught forgetting birthday presents again! It's really embarassing.

On a high note, I'll be having dinner with her again. Yes, the Senior Counsel. That's definitely something to look forward to:)

2006-07-21T22:07:00.000+08:00

I need a lorry...

I'm typing this while taking a much-needed breather... For most of the day, my dad and I have been struggling to transport my stuff to my new living quarters. We've been taking turns to drive back and forth between Bukit Timah and Kovan because we can't fit much into my dad's car.

Fridge man came in the late afternoon. Unhelpful %^&* did not even offer to help us bring the fridge to the third floor, which I currently occupy.

My parents bought tons of self-assembly from IKEA. I'm not Bob The Builder, so getting everything up was a painful task. I wish I could say "but in the end, I managed"...unfortunately, I can't say that. Even as I type this, the whole place is strewn with dismembered metal limbs and random slabs of plywood. I am desperate to remedy this chaotic state of affairs and transform the mass of debris into functional furniture. It's going to take much more time and effort on my part.

There is no internet connection. The only way to use the net is to hijack wireless signals from other users in the vicinity. This act is somewhat unethical and I am striving to find a better alternative. Till then, the poor people living around me will just have to endure slower download speeds and the occasional lag...I will be going around trying to convince my new neighbours that using software designed to provide network security leads to obesity and balding...Oh, and changing your network settings MAY expose brain cells to dangerously high levels of radiation. I wonder if anyone will buy that...

My uncle left me a wardrobe. The mirrors are green at the edges and the lacquer is peeling off. According to him, the piece of furniture has been in the family since 1959. Is it a sacred relic? I have no idea. I just hope lions and witches don't fly out while I am reading Anson and Neumann.

I suppose I'm really lucky to have my own space 15 min drive away from school. At the same time, I am expected to be wholly responsible for the cleanliness of my living quarters. Living as a squatter on one of my uncle's properties implies that I have to conform to some rules and regulations. For instance, I am not allowed to bring girls into any of my rooms (does that mean the toilet is ok?). I am also not allowed to move around outside the confines of the third floor after 10pm. Otherwise, I could activate the motion sensors and send the whole world into a state of panic...The motion sensors are programmed to notify my uncle through his mobile upon activation. The last thing I want is an angry uncle flying down from his house in Clementi to bite off my ears.

Moving is really, really tiring...I'm so worn out that I don't even have the energy to stand. The whole place is still in a mess. Somehow, I think the condition of my floor ( I can't think of an appropriate word since it's neither a room nor a house) mirrors the the state my life is currently in.

But I guess it's time to clean everything up.

2006-07-21T00:03:00.000+08:00

This is an absolutely shity day

i realised that some seniors were reading my blog. One of them was pissed cos it made him look bad. I didn't mean to slag off anybody. Seriously.

I did not intentionally put anybody in a bad light. Having said that, I wonder why I feel like a bad guy now.

An innocent post about a gathering led to serious repurcussions. I guess it was misinterpreted. Whatever it is, boundaries have been drawn and gates have been locked. It's kinda difficult to change anything now.

I suppose I should apologise since I hurt someone who says that he is now at the nadir of his existence. However, I'd really like him to see things from my perspective. I mean, I really made a conscious effort not to identify anybody. Besides, how was i to know that others are reading? I've never given my url out to anybody who does not know me well.

At least he has tons of people around him to say that "things are ok" and stuff...I'll have to weather this storm alone. I am starting to dread the first day of school. Suddenly, the sky seems much darker and bleaker.

Things are worse because the seed of mistrust has been planted. I bet even if I apologise, things would hardly get better. I'm just really, really sianz ji pua that I have to step into law school with shit hanging around my neck. I bet I will be ostracised from Day One...doomed for eternity to eat alone during breaks and study alone before exams.

I have not exactly called my senior to clarify matters yet. I guess i will evade him for as long as i can. From now on, I think I'll have to take a detour if i see him walking towards me. I think it's stupid that I have to feel this way. It's not that I am guilty. It's just really unpleasant. I shudder when I wonder what goes on in his head as I walk pass him along the corridor. I do not think I've done him any injustice. After all, I did not insult him in his face or behind his back. I merely talked about a gathering at his house.

I think both of us are victims of the circumstances. I was hurt when he published a post on his blog with a link directing more people to come to my blog...so now more people can look at the post. I think this is the worst way to control the damage. By the way, I'm going to remove the "offensive" post. I'm feeling kinda mad myself cos it was never meant to be offensive in the first place. Secondly, I did not slag any individual off...and even if i did, it's my blog rite? I've never had to erase something on my blog just to make someone feel better. Never. This is the first time.

I was also really angry that he did not call me to clarify matters. We have been friends for some time and I expected him to let me know, either privately or otherwise, so I can take an appropriate course of action (ie delete the post or whatever). Instead, he placed a link (without my knowledge or permission) to my blog and made a really, really big hoo-ha regarding the matter. I mean, if you find it so offensive, why broadcast it to the whole world? So that the rest of the world can stand on one side AGAINST me when term starts? So that more year twos, who have only heard your side of the story can point their fingers and judge me? So that people think I am a conniving snake? I dunno man.

Maybe I am a connivng snake after all, destined to crawl on my belly for the rest of my life. I'm pretty certain I will be crawling on my belly for my whole life in law school.

The shame is too much to bear. I cannot take it any more. All I can do now is pray that I would not be some leper outcaste when school starts. It's really sad cos he was my favourite senior. I really identified very well with him. Looks like those happy days are over.

I better find a comfy spot in the shadows. I'll be lurking there in solitude and misery for a long time to come. And the worse thing is...

Nobody's here to say "it's ok".

2006-07-19T21:16:00.000+08:00

The last few days have been damn hectic...Every second seemed to be filled with some kind of activity....I barely had time to exhale.

Anyway, my dad's month long vacation is coming to an end. I realised that I have not been making a decent effort to bond with him during his break. I'm afraid to say that I am guilty of neglecting my parent. Hence, I resolved to spend two days with him before he returns to the drudgery of work.

Screw the RAG practices. Screw work. Screw salsa...Oh, and take a break from affairs of the heart at the same time.

Day One went well enough. I took my dad out for a spin to Seletar Airport and Marina Bay.

Seletar Airport struck me as being grey and desolate... yet the area around the hangers and runways held strong rustic charm. The quaint neighbourhood along the peripheries of the airpost boundary was extremely serene and tranquil. It reminded me of Singapore in the late 1960s. I did not live in that era, but have imbibed enough of its cultural essences from my parents' photo albums. The names of the little lanes that intersect the area are extremely Anglicised. I was laughing non-stop at old-fashioned English street names like HAY MARKET and BAY WATER RD...Somehow, the street names were so culturally out-of-place that they seemed stupid.

At Marina Bay, the scenery was quite different. It was just grass and a bit of sea...I drove to the pier and we watched some Malay boys fly kites for awhile...I was beginning to get bored until my eye fell upon a a parked car that was vigorously swaying from side to side. It's so ironic that some Singaporeans are so shy about sex (maybe pretend one...) while others are having so much FUN in pubic...erm, I mean public.

On day two, I was supposed to take my dad to the beach. Unfortunately, I overslept and he decided to proceed without me. Needless to say, I had a guilt attack when I woke up. I failed to keep my promise to take my dad to the beach.

"Was he paddling morosely in the shallows even as I slept? Staring enviously at the happy families at the beach?"

"Did he feel lonely and neglected?"

" Was he mistaken as a homeless tramp? Alone and with no kith or kin in this cold and cruel world?"

Questions like this haunted me even as I watched Scooby Doo while I waited for his impending return.

Upon his return, I launched into a dramatic display of affection in order to ameliorate the situation. My warm gestures were met with some half-hearted grunts...

Luckily, the situation improved by lunchtime. I took my dad to church and we made a small donation. I thanked God for all the happy things that have been happening in my life recently. Of course, I hoped that he would make my father feel more sanguine as the day progressed.

We had lunch with my mum at Shashlik. Personally, I have a vendetta against the grouchy and grumpy wait staff there. However, I offered no protests because I believed that it would have been more prudent to exercise some verbal restraint. Lunch was not that bad, actually. The Borsch was piquant, with dense flavours and a smooth finish. The Oxtail stew that I had was robust and flavourful. The flakes of tender meat literally fell off the bones.

Unfortunately, a perfect dining experience was marred by the face of the waiter who served us. His expression was even more sour than the sour cream in our Borsch.

After lunch, I left for assignment. Today's assignment was the Daphne Khoo interview at Dome. A new photog was covering the thing today, so I had to meet him earlier to tie down the details.

I must say that this new guy is quite pro. He knows his stuff as well as Paul.

However, it was the photog's assistant who left an indelible impression in my mind. Usually, society in general sees assistants as subservient effetes who have no style and zero input (in terms of opinions, ideas etc.) This particular assistant seems to have alot of ideas and is super-enthu when it comes to "chute pattern" time...In addition, the PA's bohemian-metrosexual get-up really made a BIG impact. His style is a unique blend of Andy Warhol, Willy Wonka and Jack Sparrow...In fact, he reminds me of Santino from Project Runway 2. Honestly, I think the spotlight was on him the whole time. It was his idea to have the photo shoot at HOME CLUB during the launch of West Grand Boulevard's latest album. Initially, we just wanted to get it over and done with at noisy, crowded Orchard Rd. Ker is so lucky to have such a great PA...

Anybody wants to be my PA? Haha...I need someone to follow me to the launch party next Friday. Free cover and drinks to the party, but you must look as stylo as Ker's PA ok! The good thing is, you don't have to do anything...cause I intend to go there and just pretend to do work!

Just joking lar...haha

Anyway, the interview went really well. Daphne is THE dream interviewee. She was very responsive and warm. At the same time, she's not like some girls who simply cannot stop going on and on about themselves (we all know who lar, I don't say you oso know lo)....And she paid for our drinks. It was really, really sweet of her.

Moving to my new living quarters is no mean feat. I am deeply appreciative that two Angels were helping me buy furniture from IKEA even as I was on assignment. Thanks Mum. Thanks Dad.

I promise to study hard and be a good son from now on. Oh, and I promise to take very, very, very good care of our car too!

2006-07-15T23:16:00.000+08:00

This is me before make up...Taking a group photo with Turkey(Yunxin) and Monkey(Munloh)...I am not the happiest clown in the world...

2006-07-15T22:45:00.000+08:00

Went to NUS high for carnival today...

Kena arrow to be the clown by Tris and Charmaine Neo. Moral of the story: Never get caught doing nothing.

Job scope of clown was pretty simple...Just walk around giving out balloons and taking photos with the intellectually disabled kids from the M.I.N.D.S schools...I was perspiring like mad after one morning of posing and running around. Some of the little kids were damn scared by me, so I guess I had less photo-taking ops than the other clown.

Make-up was the worst! Initially, this chiobu from OG2 already help me make until swee-swee liao, but then Patrina just had to come over and mess up my face with red paint. In the end, I looked like a transexual Geisha with ketchup all over my face...Wah lao eh Patrina!

Anyway, it was quite a fun carnival lar...lots of games, a lame shit magic show and performances by rock bands.

After carnival went to King Albert Park...and then to Khelvin's house to chill...Played some drinking games there with the rest of the Dragon-Tiger clan...Heng I only had the urge to pee and not to puke. Ironically, the designated puking point is next to the catering van parked at Khel's neighbour's house. Apparently, Khel's neighbours were playing host. It would have been so gross to witness one of us puking while the guests are enjoying their scrumptious Chinese dinner...

Left Khel's house around dinner time to go to Al-Ameen...damn long never go there liao...food standard has not improved. Rev wanted to try the Milo dinosaur there...so the rest of the clan settled on that place for dinner. Dinner was another ultra long talk-cock session.

All said, it was a great day. I'm looking forward to next week's dinner at Brewerkz...

Oh, Thanks for selling the law texts to me Patrina...really appreciate it lor...

2006-07-14T23:27:00.000+08:00

Absolutely beautiful evening.

Had dinner with Miss Chee.

It was the first time in three years that we met for a meal. Dinner tonight was simply an unforgettable experience. The food was great, the ambience fine and the company perfect.

When you've missed out on somebody's life for three years, there will be many, many spaces to fill. We spent the evening filling up these spaces.

It was great catching up on old times and talking about our dreams and aspirations. I felt really blessed to be able to share my thoughts and feelings with someone who matters.

After dinner, we spent some time looking at scrapbook materials and piano scores. I enjoyed every moment that I spent at the handicraft shops and the piano score section@ Kinokuniya. I never knew that crepe paper and semi-quavers could be so fascinating.

Perhaps it was just the lighting of the store...

Thanks Sharon. I hope you had a great time too.

2006-07-12T22:17:00.000+08:00

Do you enjoy your life?

To me, it's really important to live each day as if it's your last.

Lately, some of my friends have been calling me out because they are being overwhelmed by a sense of disillusionment. To some of my peers, the workplace has become a cold and unforgiving prison. They have ceased to feel beauty in their lives and see the world around them in a cynical light. A number of my friends had lofty dreams and aspirations...some yearned for high-flying corporate careers, others a chance to make important decisions in the civil service. However, many confessed that their dreams have turned out to be nothing more than empty delusions after a few years on the job.

It's amazing how quickly the heart can lose it's innate sense of wonder. It takes just a few weeks for a passionate and idealistic fresh graduate to change into a subservient, overworked wage slave. The biggest irony lies in the fact that this wage slave considers himself to be blessed with a job...Are human beings really so easily contented? Or is there something more in life that we should all search for? These questions keep my mind occupied just before I go to sleep.

Take a look at the rush hour crowd at City Hall....I've never seen a commuter who looks genuinely happy with his life. I think the gravitational pull in our MRT carriages is especially strong-somehow, everyone's face is pulled, twisted and distorted to form a glum and sullen frown. You realise that the only people who seem immune to this odious "frowning syndrome" are the children...and sometimes they too succumb, especially if they are bearing the heavy burdens of their school bags.

Someday I'd love to visit Buenos Aires or Rio De Janeiro...There is something in the lifestyle of Latin Americans that is so contrary to the empty careerism that many of us suffer from. Something at the heart of Latin American culture inspires a lust for life. Many Latin Americans are relatively poorer than us in terms of wealth, but they lead lives that are so much richer...Our poor whine about rising prices... The poor in the barrios and favalas of Brasilia do the samba. It is interesting to note that the Brazilian government does not give out any Progress Package or utility rebates to the poor folks in the slums...yet they continue to dance and celebrate the beauty of life.

Do you take enough time to smell the roses? I think it is important for all of us to appreciate what we have before us. Earlier, I talked about how a job gives some people some form of contentment...I'd like to point out that this sense of "contentment" is ephemereal and transient. Real contentment lies in opening our hearts to the beauty of what we have. Take time to praise the people around you. Take time to count your blessings. Take time to remind yourself that God is watching your back.

Ok, an end to the philosophical portion of my post.

Last few days have been really tiring...flying between NUS and Rosyth Primary to fulfil my dance and teaching commitments. A memorable incident happened to me on Tuesday.

Rosyth was hosting some students from Shanghai. All the teachers were reminded to check our students' behaviour and appearance in order to leave a good impression in the hearts of our guests.

As usual, my class was loud and wild. It seems that every time I step into a class the kids have to go berserk for at least 10 min...I wonder why they are so happy to see me, even though the feeling is rarely mutual.

Over the course of a couple of months, I have grown quite close to a few students. However, what happened on Tuesday left me totally stunned. The P was bringing the Shanghai kids around our school when an anonymous Rosythian dashed across the corridor screaming,

" Miiiii-sTerrrr SiiiiiiiiM!"

and then proceeded to give me a bear hug!

Well, what could I do but smile? It would have been a bit impolite to forcibly extricate my leg from the little one's embrace, would it not? The little boy's entourage surged forth and followed suit. For a moment, I was nearly strangled by the deluge of little arms around my body. Some of these kids have not taken a good bath for awhile, so I was hoping that they would show some restraint in their physical affection. However, that was not to be...they seemed adament to drown me in their sweat and saliva. Bunch of cute Saint Bernards....

The Shanghai students were equally stunned...They simply could not imagine hugging their own walnut faced teachers!

Anyway, this is the high point of my first working experience...not the long hours spent reading Archie in the library or the lazy afternoons spent drinking coffee in the staff lounge. Getting hugged by so many young Rosythians in front of these foreign guests is the highest honour for an ex-Rosythian like me.

I love the kids cos they are so human. They are not "sugar and spice and all things nice"...neither are they little Angels...By the way, the boy who hugged me asked me if I could chop off his form teacher's head and then teach his class forever.

I think I would look back on my teaching days with much fondness and nostalgia...and to think I hated teaching so much when I first started!

2006-07-06T14:37:00.000+08:00

Tired...Shagged out...Humbled...

I can't believe that practice one could be so overwhelming...

My brain is numb. My legs are aching. The pain in my left arm refuses to go away.

I feel as if I've just done 7-11. Twice.

My current predicament implies that I have to rest in bed for a couple of days. Unfortunately, this is a luxury that I cannot afford, considering that the next practice will be held tommorow.

The seniors in charge of R.A.G have great expectations...Expectations that the Year Ones have GREAT problems meeting. Honestly, how many people you know can do a cartwheel? Or launch their body into the air through an inverse push-up?

The warm-ups alone are enough to chill the blood. We had to lift a girl to shoulder level and spin around with her supine form propped against our upper bodies. It was a nightmare doing it with C., who could not stop laughing hysterically everytime I picked her up. For God sakes! Shuddup and lie still!

Next, we had to lift a girl by her hips and hoist her unto our shoulders...L. was my partner for this exercise. The other guys in my group were making irritating catcalls and wooting away because L. is a really hot sophomore. Unfortunately, I was quivering in nervousness and had zero confidence of pulling this off...I ended up head-butting L.'s derierre because I could not hoist her high enough. Both of us ended up in a tangled mess on the floor.

My head hurt. I think her buns are made of titanium alloy. Or possibly adamantium.

The final component of the warm-up was the 360...The movement is as evil as it sounds. We had to grab our female partners' waists and rotate their bodies 360 degrees in a corkscrew motion. On Saturday night I spilt orange squash on someone's ipod at a party....Bad karma finally kicked me in the ass today. My partner for the 360 was a behemoth...I struggled to fight against gravity while the rest of the world formed a mini spectators' ring and cheered me on. I felt like I was arm-wrestling a rhinoceros...Eventually, I managed to lift my partner an inch or two above the ground, before collapsing like a detonated building...At least everyone went to ask the girl if she was ok...so nobody bothered to laugh at me.

Before lunch break, several seniors with Rambo physiques urged me to join them for their daily routine at the gym.

You would expect lighter physical activities after lunch. Unfortunately, that was NOT to be. If anything, the activities got even more intense...Thank goodness nobody was vomitting laksa or Mee Goreng!

The boys and girls were separated. The guys followed a senior nicknamed "THE BODY" to undergo a punishing regime of cartwheels, freezing, hand stands and the fear-inducing "Caterpillar"...Initially all of us could not do anything...After intensive drilling by "THE BODY" ( probably a commando instructor in the army), almost everyone could do most of the stunts by late afternoon. Except me.

I admit that I was not exactly in top form; especially after being crushed by an oil tanker in the morning. However, I was really frustrated that I could not do stuff that the others were able to pick up relatively easily. ARGH!

Worse, someone had informed the seniors that I was a level 3 salsa dancer! So I was suan-ed the whole day...Can you imagine seniors hollering, "where's my dancer?" when they are looking for you? One particularly irritating one keeps on calling me "Mr. Salsa"... He injects this salutation at strategic timings, mostly when I am at my weakest and most vulnerable. For instance, when I topple over while attempting a cartwheel, he will sneer and go, "How are you feeling Mr. Salsa?"

Well, at least the day ended on a positive note. Just as I was packing up and getting ready to see a sinseh, a cute chick came over to talk to me. She wanted to find out more about salsa, so I basically puked out everything that I had memorised from Wikipedia...Of course, I did it in the most romantic and passionate manner...For a moment, I transformed myself into Fabio, Man of Men....Hero of smutty Romance novels and gay icon...I slipped into my role well enough for her to get my number. Thankfully, she did not realise that my fly was down and my Burberry boxer shorts were insidiously leaking out of the gap on the crotch of my pants...Phew! Talk about making the right impressions!

2006-07-02T18:24:00.000+08:00

Outside the Moot Court...I'm blinder than Stevie Wonder with a bean bag on his face...For some reason, Dawn is amused.

2006-07-02T18:11:00.000+08:00

At Sam's 21st Birthday Party...Clockwise, Jess, Royston, Sam, Celia and me

2006-07-01T17:31:00.000+08:00

My date for the Law Ball...From Year Two...Standing next to her makes me feel fat!

2006-07-01T17:22:00.000+08:00

At double O

2006-07-01T17:16:00.000+08:00

Audrey and her Harem...Seconds before my face was accidentally kicked by her foot...

2006-07-01T17:13:00.000+08:00

Justin and Nick before Law Ball....and before he saw who his mystery date was...

2006-06-25T15:18:00.000+08:00

Last night was a blast.

Salsa By The Beach was simply brilliant. Prominent Salseros from the local salsa scene shared the stage with Al "Liquid Silver" Espinoza and his partner Karla. The main event was the Salsa Competition...It was like....whoaaa...phew! Of course, too many couples relied on gimmicks like schoolgirl uniforms and furry bikinis to wow the crowd, but the technical prowess and the chemistry of each and every couple were simply excellent. The most theatrical couple was Barry (who taught me the LA syllabus) and Belinda, who enacted a sizzling Bordello scene.

J. was my companion last night. Well, I guess it's not a bad feeling to spend the evening with a princess in a Pepper-red bikini and sarong...although it felt really weird to have her pay for my drinks and the night's entertainment. I've gone out with girls before and this was the first time that I am not going dutch or paying for the girl...but I guess this privelege is something that comes with going out with an older woman.

Anyway, we left halfway through the event and ended up somewhere at Palawan with our Gin and Tonics...We spent the rest of the night getting to know each other better. I think it's really funny cos I thought I know J. reasonably well as a person, but I really got to know other aspects of her last night.

It was a beautiful evening.

2006-06-22T15:57:00.000+08:00

"Some people come into our lives, and we are never the same again."~a line on my old coffee mug

Dinner last night was a pleasant experience. It was simply wonderful meeting some old friends and sharing a meal with them at Pizza Hut.

Many people come into my life. I have had my share of shallow and superficial friendships. Often, I have found myself questioning the worth of such relationships. Lately, I have been trying to figure out how to define the term "friend". After all, it seems that so many of the people whom I consider to be friends are little more than casual acquaintances whom I go out with for drinks or dinner once in awhile.

It's nice to watch my friends grow up.

Our class clown is now an aspiring teacher...majoring in English somemore! I wonder what Miss Daljit would say...but then, she always knew that Sam had what it takes to win in life.

Mr. Laid-back is pursuing a Journalism degree in The States...while working towards a lower golf handicap! Royston says he wants to work for ESPN someday...I'm sure his passion will take him the whole nine yards.

The girls are aiming for the stars, working towards careers in the financial sector or the civil service. Lydia hopes to be involved in social work and Ling Fang wants to groom herself as a Chinese broadcast journalist.

As for Mr Tham, I guess his dream would be to be present at Anfield and witness Liverpool trash Man U in the EPL final....by a score of at least 4-0.

And what about me?

I don't know.

I guess I have not really been thinking of what I want to do. When people ask, I usually say that I want to be a criminal litigator...but what do I know about criminal litigation? Close to nothing.

I know that criminal litigators generally have pendulous mood swings and punishing work schedules. I know that criminal litigators are hired to defend rapists, murderers and child molestors in court. I know that many criminal litigator usually quit criminal litigation out of a sense of frustration and because they are so sick of selling their souls.

And yet this is what I tell people I want to be. Why can't I find something within me that would drive me to use my attributes for the good of society? Am I so lost and confused that I choose a career path solely because of my misguided thinking? Sadly, I think I am.

But it is never too late to have a change of heart.

I must open my heart and learn to love. I must stop deceiving myself and other people through my well-disguised words and thoughts. I must learn to embrace my own humanity.

Or I am bound to suffer a lonely and broken existence...never to find inner peace.

Well, having dinner with my friends certainly brought me back to a more innocent time. Even in those days, we were full of emotion....it takes very little to make the bunch of us laugh or cry. From my life in JC, I learnt that laughter may not always be an expression of happiness. Similarly, someone who cries may not be sad-just relieved or feeling something that cannot be expressed clearly in words.

We were always a close bunch...the three guys treated the girls with deep respect...and we were always there for them when they needed us. Skipping lectures, sharing answers and getting into trouble over our GP assignments meant that we were never model students. Yet we bonded through doing such things together. Nobody wanted us to graduate as mugger toads... even our teachers! They were our unwilling accomplices in our daily misdemeanours.

Years later, we would laugh at how meaningless these school rules were. At the same time, all of us know deep in our hearts that it was the desire to escape from the monotony and discipline of the school system that allowed us to become closer to each other.

We needed each other.

We needed each other when we flunked our econs tests. We needed each other when first love turned bitter. We needed each other when our pet dogs died after long bouts with ovarian cancer.

There is a very pure and strong love that I feel when I am with this bunch of friends. Not white-hot sexual tension or the fuzzy warmth that you get after a cuddle with your girlfriend...There is something very unique about the love we have for each other. In a sense, we are a family. We would be there for each other through the rough patches and the storms...We would celebrate together during times of great happiness. These are things that I would never do with some of the "friends" that I have made recently.

I will never bare my soul to the girls I pick up on a night out. I will never share my fears with the "friend's-boyfriend-who-became-my-friend-through-association". You can expect me to bolt if a long lost acquaintance comes to me for a loan of five hundred dollars.

Sam, Royston, Darrelle, Mr Tham...all of them have made my life different.

Every day, I wake up and feel like my life is one long, painful test that some higher power is subjecting me too.

And yet, when good people are sent my way, I know that there is love in this world...and this makes the long, painful test so much more bearable.

2006-06-21T00:11:00.000+08:00

I am a lonely person.

I believe that lonely people attract each other like magnets of different polarities.

Despite the ever-widening circles of friends and the love of my family, I feel isolated. Perhaps wallowing in isolation for so long has made me subconsciously seek out and bond with other lonely people.

Who are these lonely people? They are the career-minded female PMEBs who know that they are not spring chickens...They are the lost hearts who have just broken up, looking for someone to fill their emotional vacuum...They are the bored significant others in relationships which have been leached of any feeling and devotion. They are people with too much time and money in their hands...who are jaded and beautiful, who seek someone to share their feelings with.

I am just there to fill the moment with some fun and games. And they in turn, fill my moment with laughter and scrape away a little bit of the loneliness.

Met E. last night at a pub in town.

She said was nursing a beer. Sitting alone and watching the world drift by. I received a message asking if I could come down to join her. I accepted. I was lonely too.

I arrived and was pleasantly greeted by my favourite door bitch...I proceeded to make some casual conversation with her while paying the cover charge. Her manager, a woman with a thick neck and a cold stare, eyed us suspiciously. The door bitch counted the change wrongly and gave me two dollars more...The manager spotted her error and came down on her like a hawk, accusing her of being distracted by the customer. I pointed out that two dollars was a small sum to pay for me to grace their grubby little establishment. I meant it as a joke, but nobody laughed...what a bummer.

I made my way to E.'s table...past the happy bunch of execs celebrating someone's birthday... past the hordes of SPGs and their white accessories... past the cuddling gay couple.

I sat down. We talked. I left to take a pee.

When I came back, she was gone. She left me a message:

thx 4 cmng.

Daddy's tkng me hme now

tc...Nitez~

I looked around. She was really gone.

She left a dish of mixed nuts and half a pint of kilkenny. All the cracker nuts were missing (DARN!)...I decided not to waste the beer, so I downed it...to make myself feel better for wasting 8 bucks on a coke.

So now I am the lonely one...left behind to stare into space.

And then I saw her.

She was staring into space too...so vulnerable, so tender...so lost.

Our eyes made contact.

We smiled...and then I walked towards her...

Phm! Phm! Phm!

Loud, confident steps...the steps of a winner.

" Hullo. Alone?"

"Yah...My friends left without me. You wanna have a drink together?"

And so it begun. She's a nurse...She's from abroad...been around for awhile...She has been here for four years...not many friends...just trying to make ends meet doing what she finds meaningful...and so forth.

Although she's around my age, she seems so determined and intense when she is talking about her dreams and aspirations...totally different from the lost and vulnerable waif I found at the bar scant moments ago.

We talk some more...and then we exchange numbers, setting a time and date for our next meeting. She smiles. I smile back. I get a hug for smiling back.

I promise to call and then I leave.

"Nic you have shit for brains you know...both of you are just leading each other on! You KNOW what your main reason for getting her number is right?...and yet you invite trouble to your door...Go on, go ahead, set yourself up for another fall! Just don't blame me when the shit hits the fan...%^&* you." A small voice within my heart gibbers unintelligibly. By now, the booze has hit my brain and I find myself vocalising these incoherent thoughts to an alarmed audience-a gang of Bangladeshi workers repairing a road at night.

I crumple into bed...but not before I bang my head on the bed slat. I strip in clumsy movements and stare at my pale green ceiling...I read somewhere about somebody being a Great Pyramid of Failure...I start to feel the same way about myself.

This is the way the lonely-hearted end their nights.

2006-06-19T22:03:00.000+08:00

Met Stephenie for dinner at Raffles City...Suddenly, it seems like the whole world is grown up. Darrelle, Stephenie...it's just the way they talk...the way they act...giving the impression that they are no longer the kids they used to be.

Anyway, Steph and I were on the subject of earning money...and we came to the shocking revelation that a person who earns 3k a month is actually taking home much less than what we had expected. In Singapore, the middle class is badly squeezed...The rich are smart enough to generate multiple streams of income and augment their wealth through shrewd investments. The poor enjoy rebates on utilities, greatly subsidised housing and bursaries for their children's education. The poor also have less commitments ( eg. no need to pay for car, masters degree, maid etc...). Our middle class does not qualify for many of these subsidies. Neither do they possess enough capital to make good investments. Many aspire to a high-class life but lack the means.It's a sad situation...I am an offspring of the middle class and everyday I witness the hardship my parents endure just to keep our necks above the water. When I get my degrees, I MUST work hard to give them a better life.

Sometimes, I think that we should strive to lead a quality life regardless of financial status. So many people I know get by ok with just 2k or less a month. They look for joy in simple pleasures...like flying kites, fishing or playing basketball. Not everybody needs a Fendi wallet or white truffles to feel happy. On the other hand, I know people who earn 5-figure salaries and who are only able to find happiness through splurging. Even then, this happiness is transient and ephemereal...These people work very hard for their money and believe that having alot in their hands is the key to happiness...this attitude causes them to feel empty and lonely because they place too little value on the important things in life. Things like family, love, freedom...What's the point of driving a vintage Merc if it can't give you warmth or love? Can a Ferragamo bag heal your soul when you have been wounded by the man you love?

Strangely, I've noticed people anthromorphosizing their cars and household appliances...perhaps they are trying to satisfy their innate need to connect with humanity through talking to these inanimate objects and giving them names...My aunt calls her coffee maker Alicia.

My working friends are all struggling in their office-minion appointments...the white collar is a noose and the tie a leash. Back stabbing collegues, diabolical bosses...selling your soul to the establishment...Was this what we dreamt of doing when we signed the pact? I don't think so. What scares me is that these people gradually ease themselves into workplace culture and cease to feel. They forget their dreams and aspirations, neglect their past...lose their humanity...

Wow...a few thousand dollars buys you an automaton...one that can help you take your minutes and make your coffee, while handling full sets of accounts and meeting sales quotas! Not a bad deal right?

What did God create man for? I think if he looked down from Heaven he would laugh at how myopic and foolish his creation is. At the same time, he might be angry at the way his children(us) worship money, fame and TV...Our generation needs a religion-somewhere to place our faith and trust. I don't like the idea of thinking that the admin manager is the highest power in the universe.

Gosh...talking to Steph really set me thinking....wondering if I am suitable for the corporate life. I guess it's good to have at least one meaningful conversation per day.

2006-06-17T23:10:00.000+08:00

A slow and stagnant weekend...totally dull, boring and insipid...

J. asked me to accompany her to the nail spa...but my mum wanted me to stay at home and help her pluck tow gay roots...I am not a dutiful, domesticated son, but I thought that I could spare myself some nagging if I just sat down and carried out Her Majesty's orders...Well, I was proven wrong...haiz...

Sometimes, I wonder where I have gone wrong as a son. I mean, I am not a Goth Punk or some connoiseur of synthetic drugs...I am not a rabid chimpanzee or a lycanthrope...I am not a lazy swine who lives off his parents like a patch of parasitic fungus...but from the way my parents talk about me, you might think I am any of the above.

Communication has always been a big problem for my mum and me...maybe cos she was born in the year of the Tiger and I was born in the year of the Ox (or is it buffalo?) Both of us hate to admit that we are in the wrong, even though sometimes our views are illogical or immature. I am so tired and stressed trying to be a good son...Even our quality time is filled with tension...A simple meal at a bistro will be filled with drama and histrionics...a shopping trip to the supermarket will be filled with exploding bombs. She is a fastidious perfectionist, a stickler to detail and deadline, a number cruncher with a somewhat pushy streak...I don't really know what I am. All I know is that I am being suffocated.

At 21, I am a little bit too old to call those Tinkle Friend or Teenage SOS hotlines...I can't exactly define or clarify the problem...so it is futile and meaningless to consult any counsellors...I think my mum will flip if I suggest that we go for counselling. She has always tried TOO HARD to preserve an image of our "wholesome family"...

Someone who believes herself to be my close friend (S.W.B.H.T.B.M.C.F) has been bugging me to go overseas with her...The following exchange is full, authentic and unabridged:

S.W.B.H.T.B.M.C.F: Nixie! ( yes, the tone gives you a crystal clear indication of this person's identity) let's go to India in December!!! My eye is on a 2k package. I've done my homework. WE will have so much fun there...but you must protect me from the molestors hor...HAHAHA

Me: WE havn't even gone to Little India together.

That person: Let's go now lar! see you at the MRT in 15 min!

The next night...

That person: You wanna go to Malaysia this weekend? I need a break from work. I know a good spa in JB.

Me: For What!? To buy pirated dvds? or chewing gum? And I don't have money for spa treatment.

Argh...it's so bizarre...sometimes, I wonder if I am being punished for throwing myself at other women in the past...I sincerely regret my actions now...

Well, a small, little rainbow emerged this week...Finally heard from HER...it's something to be thankful about. God bless her:) even though it has been so long since we've seen each other. It sucks to realise how much you miss a person even though you think that you have moved on...It's like you can't seem to let go...and yet you are happy not to let go...ironic, no?

2006-06-15T00:16:00.000+08:00

Met Darrelle for coffee at Liat Towers today. Really great to see her again...I guess we have been keeping in touch less frequently since our lives diverged. I realise that I am good at making friends but not keeping friends...

I think both of us have grown up. She is not as playful as she used to be...Somehow, I think she has found her center and acquired a sense of purpose. She is much more confident and articulate than the last time we met...Darrelle used to be a bundle of spontaneous energy; now she she is so focused and determined.

And what about me? I'm still a sotong. I am still so uncertain about my identity and who I want to be...I have yet to come of age...

Well, I really think that she is going to succeed as a lawyer some day...Somebody as opinionated and outspoken as her is destined for greatness in the legal industry...

I am going to preview "The King And The Clown" tommorrow...First time attending a press screening...it will be a novel experience...really looking forward to it.

2006-06-10T11:20:00.000+08:00

A curious incident happened last night...This is what happened...

1700: Derui and I made plans to go for coffee at a neighbouring coffee bean.

1900: Went to Derui's house.

1945: Left for SG...

2000: Received a phone call from N.( yes, THAT N.) asking what I was doing...I told her I was going to SG and she asked if she could join Derui and I...

2005: I agreed...because she was already in the vicinity anyway...

2010: Derui and I arrived in SG and proceeded to XXX hawker centre to buy sugar cane juice...

2015: N. asked us to meet her at a nearby petrol kiosk...

2025: Arrived at the nearby petrol kiosk...N. called and said she is at XXX hawker centre...

2026: Walked back to XXX hawker Centre.

2030: XXX hawker centre bursting with people as usual...managed to find a seat though...

2045: Eat.

2055: Decided to abort coffee plan and go home...having N. around is awkward...Offered to send her home. Asked where she stays and she said 5 minutes walk.

2100: Started walking.

2105: Nope, not there yet...

2115: Still walking....

2125: Still walking...

2130: Still walking...but she says we'll be there in 5 min...and so we continue...

2135: Still walking...

2140: At her void deck...Suddenly, she says she is thirsty and wants to go to a nearby NTUC to buy drink...I pointed out that there was a vending machine in front of her...she says it's too expensive, and prefers to walk to the nearby NTUC...I oblige...

2145: We walk to NTUC...

Some time close to 2200: We return to her block...

And so my adventure ends...I get the feeling that she was prolonging the whole thing...

Lesson learnt: Take the bus next time...and don't be a nice guy to people you don't know well...

2006-06-09T17:42:00.000+08:00

What a horrible week...

Things at home are getting tumultous and stormy...very stormy. There seems to be some malevolent spirit lurking in the eaves of my home...sowing discord and goading everyone in my family to hurt each other with senseless, malicious actions. Violent histrionics seem to be a predominant feature of this dark and disturbing play. It's no use pretending that everything is ok...That would be lying to ourselves. We scream at each other without any rhyme or reason. Defiance, oppression and concealment of the truth are the main themes in the drama of my life.

Went for my first Cuba Salsa class...I can't help but feel that signing up for this is a HUGE mistake...Cuban salsa is not commonly used in salsa clubs in Singapore...Most salseros follow the LA style...I guess it was curiosity that made me sign up for Cuban after I completed the LA syllabus... After one lesson, I found the Cuban style odd and bizarre...I'm pretty certain nobody uses the Cuban style on the dance floor...Worse, we got L. and B. as instructors...sianz...now salsa is like drill lesson liao...Listen to the following exchange:

Someone from my class: Why are there Cuban lessons when nobody dances Cuban socially?

L.: Erm...Well, there are lessons because enough people signed up for them?

B.: Hahaha!

L.: So there's a demand!

B.: Hahaha!

L.: ...and if you go to happen to go to Cuba, the people there will dance Cuban style!

B.: Hahaha!

L. : I am sure you don't want the Cubans to think you can't dance right?

B. :Hahaha!

Gosh...I seriously hope I go to Cuba soon...then it would justify me spending money on this thing.

Went for coffee with Stefan, Melissa and Shi Ling on Wednesday...This is the high point of the week...Really enjoyed hanging out with the rest of the FunkyGrad crew...Pity the others could not come though...it would have been even more happening...much more fun too...At the end of our coffee session, I was assigned to interview Daphne Khoo next Saturday...I know nuts about her except for the fact that she was part of SI'04...

Got a phone call from NUS Media Relations Office...Apparently, Lian He Zao Bao wants to interview me for their story on the Double Degree Programme. This is quite unexpected...I can't speak good Mandarin ( My bad, I admit...) so I got the MRO person to translate my views. I'm feeling a little worried though...MRO warned me not to talk about the yucky TV commercial to the media...but I just submitted a scathing tirade against the NUS Ad to STYOUTHINK...Now I'm desperately hoping they would not publish on Monday...It would make me look like the world's biggest hypocrite...

Oxford wants me back...Apparently, I have been offered a place there again...I was invited to some pre-departure thing and instructed to go for a medical check up...This is bad timing...why didn't they catch me before I settled everything with NUS!? Tamade...

Sorry to Desche, Evelyn and Jon...I can't join you guys tonight...have fun...

To Roy...Thanks for inviting me to MoMo on Wednesday...

To Derui, Kai and Ken...See you on Saturday night...Please be there before nine...I don't want to pay 15 bucks for a lousy housepour or soft drink...

That's all folks

2006-06-06T22:59:00.000+08:00

Feeling frazzled today...

N. is getting clingy these days...VERY CLINGY!

I get unsolicited phone calls and smses with the corniest lines imaginable...I get asked out at odd hours to far-flung locations "to hang out", "chill" and "talk about life"...

Here's a sample convo that really took place recently:

*Ring Ring*

Me: Hullo?

N. : Hey Nixie! Can you come to XXXX beach now?

Me: No. I'm on my way home.

N. : Oh...Ok...It's...It's just that I am lonely now and feel like talking to someone...~whimpers like an abused rabbit~

Me: Go and play with the starfish lar...( Please lor! You think I'll fly down to XXXX beach meh? I fell for this trick too many times liao la!)

N. : HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! You are so funny!!!! ( I'm sure that the people in Pahang could hear her maniacal laughter...I know it's 06/06/06...but can you please don't laugh like that? I'm sure your laughter scares even He-whose-name-we-shall-not-mention back to hell...)

Me: Thanks for asking...I'm really busy these days...sorry.

N. : Busy with?

Me: erm...nothing...

N. : We've known each other for two whole weeks! We're not the (sic) strangers that we used to be! I think I know you well enough to consider you my friend...(Are you sure? Are you Reeeeally sure? Then what was my nickname in Primary school? What's my favourite Gelato flavour? Who was my first crush? When did I pass out from BMT? What was my PSLE score? How did my parents choose my name? Can't answer right? HA!!! I gotcha!)

Me: It's not that...I'm just really busy. Thanks for asking. Next time don't bother to ask la...

N. : Can I meet you at SG Coffee Bean on Wed? (Why are some people so dense?)

Me: See how lor ( Ahhhhh...A nice evasive answer!)

Haiz...I rue the day I introduced myself to N. at a downtown nightspot...

I was playful and she was young...I was bored and she was lonely...I had one martini too much and she was wearing too little...

At this point, I have to say that N. is not a cantankerous baboon with halitosis and Maggi mee hair...In fact, she is tanned, slim and fresh-faced...really young and vivacious...Quite pretty in a Lolita (not lollipop) kinda way... quite a few of the fat, balding office minions at the bar that night hit on her...but it was my number she wanted...

Careful not to let this little ego boost marr my better judgment, I gave her a fake number...However, some unfortunate events caused my real hp number to fall into her little hands...the rest, as they say, is history...

I can't think of any reasons why she bugs me so incessantly...I've come up with a list of frightening possibilities though:

1) She is a malignant Alien Queen who needs a mate to reproduce. Shudder as she releases her insatiable brood from her alien womb to devour all matter on Earth! If this is true, I hope she saves some pizza for me.

2) She is an abandoned android craving warmth and affection from humanity.

3) She is mad and believes herself to be a spy seducing me for state secrets.

4) She is a femme fatale hired by a mafia don whose secrets I have somehow stumbled upon.

5) She is a struggling novelist/ poetess who is suffering from writer's block and sees me as a muse.

6) She is a vampire who needs the blood of one more virgin( no prizes for guessing who) to be able to walk in sunlight.

7) She just got ditched/rejected and is looking for a substitute male to prove her worth/spite her ex/fill the emotional vacuum in her life.

8) A voodoo shaman did something funny with my fingernail clippings. This sordid act of dark Juju magic caused my fate to cross with N.'s

9) She came from a broken home and sees in me the father she never had...

and the scariest one...

10) My mum hired her from a P.I. agency to check if Nicky is naughty...When the time is ripe and evidence is gathered, she would reveal my misdemeanours to my mum! And then it would be curtains for me!

Haiz...whatever it is...she is getting irritating...Tommorrow I shall put my foot firmly to the ground and tell her to stop this...Stop calling me at night...stop asking me to go here and there...stop asking me "how's my day?" six or seven times in a day...stop smsing me and asking me what I am doing now. Stop! Stop! Stop!

But what if she cries?

2006-06-04T11:55:00.000+08:00

What a mess...

Conflicted emotional state...

We look for love in bear traps and fish nets...

girl likes boy... boy likes woman...woman likes woman...

nobody makes things clear to each other.

trapped in the web of lies that we weave...

We set ourselves up for the fall...

and when it is too late we point fingers and wail...

2006-06-04T11:28:00.000+08:00

NUS Business School Ad

Somehow, this makes those SMU print ads seem much more professionally done...Can't believe I'll be studying at this place soon...Haiz...

2006-06-02T15:42:00.000+08:00

Well...i am finally back from China...

Coming home feels really good...I miss Singapore!

Well, I must say that the trip was not bad...I got to visit Tiananmen Square and The Forbidden City ( I still have not found out what exactly is forbidden there!) I had Peking duck at a very atas Chinese restaurant in the Grand Hyatt...Of course, there was the "pick-pocket" incident at the Wangfujing Mcdonald's which ruined an otherwise perfect day. The subsequent visits to some dinghy, dark and damp police stations were not exactly high points either.

HaouHai was not as happening as I had presumed it would be...The resident DJs played a bizarre mix of techno and Chinese Top 40s that I found quite indigestible...I had fun laughing at the names of some of the clubs though..." SEX IN THE CITY", " SACRED FRUIT" and "PEACH GROVE DISCO & NIGHTCLUB"...Really brought me back to the 80s- a decade where OTT-ness was celebrated and embraced. Today, however, such tackiness and cheesiness would be considered "bad taste"

The weather has horrible. I felt like I was a Peking duck being roasted by the heat of the unforgiving sun...Thank God I did not come down with heat stroke! I suffered from some inexplicable hot flushes and some kind of mysterious heat rash...which caused my skin to peel off like POLAR's curry puff pastry crust...

The heat really affected my mood...I was twice as volatile and temperamental then usual...I felt really cantankerous...Good thing there was nobody around me to snap at...

Went to my aunt's house during my time in B.j....Was introduced to her 21 year old housemate...a sad and forlorn Caucasian lady who reminded me of Moaning Myrtle from Harry Porter...Put two of us in a photograph and you would never believe that the two of us are of the same age. I look young enough to be her nephew...

In conclusion, it was a nice holiday...except for the horrid weather.

Very sleepy now...shall take a nap.

2006-05-24T15:55:00.000+08:00

Finally...The postman's letter has arrived...

I've received my orientation package a full three weeks later than the rest of my friends...I was very k.c. about the whole issue and even PERSONALLY made my way down to the Office Of Admissions ( in the far-flung galaxy of the Faculty of Engineering in Kent Ridge) to ask for my package...I was told to "go home and be patient" by a sudoku-obsessed office minion.

I ripped upon the package and eventually understood why I received it so ^&*%ing late...

I got a place in the Double Honours Programme! Woohoo!

As of today, I am a Business student as well...Law and Business...Sounds not bad right? haha...Well, there are certain pros and cons to this unexpected outcome...

Pros:

1) Most important pro is the chance to meet chio bus from Business fac...haha

2) And I get to eat the delish Yong Tau Foo@ The Deck when I go to the Kent Ridge Campus for my business modules...

3) 2-for-1 degrees! The best thing since Canadian 2-for-1 pizza started its 2-for-1 gimmick!

4) I get to slack in NUS for one more year when all my friends are struggling in the workforce...5 year programme what...

cons:

1) I get to slack in NUS for one more year when all my friends are earning money in the workforce...5 year programme what...

2) Life sucks when you have to shuttle back and forth between Kent Ridge and Bukit Timah campus for your lessons...

3) The modules are designed to drive even the most hardcore muggers crazy...That's why they chose only 25 out of 600 plus applicants for this programme...easier for them to cover up if all of us go mad...can u imagine a faculty with 600 mad people?! Bedlam in Bukit Timah!

4) I have to take some Math related electives...Maybe I should get Ah Tham to give me tuition as well...Hahaha!

Anyway, have you guys seen the latest NUS Business School ads on TV?
OMG...The one that I buay tahan the most is the one with the two ang mohs raving about NUS...* goosebumps* Come on lar, it's so so staged and fake lor! I mean, ok, we are all happy we got into NUS...but is there a need to get so high? The girl's *giggles* make me doubt her sanity...maybe they will find something wrong with her mind during the medical examination and kick her out...haha

I am being pestered incessantly by N.! This is very bad...I thought I shook her off when I gave her a fake hp no...but apparently I've been suffering from bad karma recently...She saw me at Amara shopping centre...and I was not quick enough to run away...Eventually, she got her claws on my real number because my skimpy attempts at evasion failed to shake her off...Some people just can't read the signs...I predict unwelcome visitations very soon...Maybe I was really at the wrong spot at the wrong time...maybe I should have just pretended to be mute when she came to talk to me at the bar that time...or at least deaf...Haiz...I don't mean to be rude...but she can't expect herself to be the core of my universe! Especially since I don't even know her well...

J. has been abrasive of late...PMS= Permanent Menstrual Stress? Work is taking a toll on her appearance and moods...I predict that she will grow old very fast and become even more volatile as time goes by...When I first got to know her, she was an Angel...Now that work is starting to pile up and deadlines are looming in the horizon, I am starting to catch a glimpse of a pair of horns and a permanent scowl...It's getting increasingly hard to talk to her and it's even harder to arrange to meet up...26 is too old for puberty and too young for menopause...I wonder what's eating her...maybe she just needs more time and space.

Met R. while clubbing last night...Asked her why she changed her hair colour from red to black ( Contrary to what she thinks, I am firmly of the opinion that we have no common topic AT ALL so I try to ensure that our conversations centre on the obvious and shallower topics:)

R: " Cuz I wanna be a gooooood gurl!" (fake, cute smile)

I nearly puked. But i must say that black makes her look less like the daughter of Ronald Macdonald...Really hoping that term starts at Curtin asap so I won't keep on bumping into her every time I hit the dance floor...we talked about some bo liao topics over a couple of drinks...I hate it when weird people like R. creep up behind me just when I am about to impress a pretty girl and then act like that they are damn chummy with me...It ruins all hopes of ever hooking up with Miss Right...

Saw H. too! OMG she was sooo hot!!!! How can a princess like her have a boyfriend who looks like a Chimpanzee and acts like a Bonobo!? Appalling manners, poor hygiene and licentiousness seem to be his main character traits...Looks like I will have to rescue the beautiful damsel in distress from the maw of the dragon! Muuahahahahaha... At least that's what his breath smells like...H. intro-ed me to her galpal Gina...who's not a bad person...kind, humble and gentle...great to talk to.

Packing up for my Beijing trip...going to the Great Wall Of China! Also taking a trip to The Forbidden City ( What exactly is forbidden there!?) and The Summer Palace...Going to taste Peking duck at Quanjude and go clubbing at Houhai!!!! Really excited...No money though...gotta raise more funds for the trip.

Well, better enjoy myself before school starts...somehow, I feel like Persephone...about to tdescend to the Underworld...Sigh...

2006-05-20T15:28:00.000+08:00

Had a great night last night...

Met ken and the gang for dinner...Huixian came along too...quite a nice surprise lar...It was really great talking to her about Singapore's food scene...Nice to meet someone with similar tastes and preferences.

After dinner we went to Union because ken was so enthu to show off his salsa moves...Two of his gal pals drove down to watch him. One of them was quite chio...

Union was crowded because it was ladies night...Kept on bumping and grinding into people on the dance floor. Some fat, hairy and sweaty ang moh knocked into me when I was carrying my drink to our table...causing me to spill half of it...The lout did not even apologise to me, much less buy me another Martini...

I danced with a Singaporean actress. She has an elder sis who is also in the entertainment industry. This gal is most well known for her film debut, in which she locked lips with another pretty young thing. Incidentally, the film was a box-office disaster and was shoved out of the nomination list for a foreign film festival...because there was too much English in the script. I've been told that this film was full of pregnant silences (whatever a "pregnant silence" is), so I guess it is ironic that they rejected it because of the language in the dialogue.

Dancing with 26 ladies in one night is tiring, but I enjoyed the variety! For some strange reason, one of my partner's male friends called me Annabelle Chong...I seriously wonder if that was a compliment or a snide remark...

Most challenging one was Gen...who was 1.7+m tall...I had to arch my back and stand on my toes so she could clear my turns...I was giving her a broken smile throughout our dance...a combination of a grimace and a forced smile...One of my partners got her beats and turns all wrong...eventually, she gave up trying to dance salsa and just gyrated like a wild cat in heat...She wore a backless halter and a mini skirt that ended mid-thigh...Halfway through her gyrations she let down her hair...so every straight male within a 10 m radius was leering at the both of us ( or rather, her) ... There was a symphony of cat calls and wolf whistles...I was a bit disappointed that I could not elicit an equally enthu response from the ladies in the crowd...despite my slick Miami slides...hahaha...but I was the ultimate winner last night cos she came and asked me for my number! Natalie really made my day:)

Rhonda was there as well and I continued playing cat-and-mouse with her...I did not want to be ensnared in another "interrogation session"...I have also learnt to steer clear from some mature ladies who come down just to look for boy-toys...Union is full of these male lolitas...young-looking ( though not always as young as they look...) guys who are humorous, intelligent and know how to say things that please older women...I've got a bad rep because all kinds of women come to me to make friends, buy a drink or ask me to dance...i've even done mothers and daughters before! ( ok...this sounds darn wrong, forget I said it...) Scratch under my veneer and you find a sloppy, messy, clumsy and easily jealous boy who is insecure and indecisive...This proves the old adage " do not judge a book by its cover" correct.

2006-05-17T09:19:00.000+08:00

" It's great to be young...I love to listen to what you guys talk about...People my age talk about mortgages, stocks and *yucks*...making babies. All the time. Except when they are talking to their boss, then it's always about next month's sales figures."- Stefan

" Hanging out with you makes me feel young again. That's something I've not felt for a long time."- Val

" 21 is a great age. I wish I was 21 again."- Roy

Youth is so precious. Too many of us take it for granted and spend our lives without any aim or purpose. Before we know it, time flies by and we are old already...Life can be so fleeting and transient. Previously, I never taught much about what I wanted to do with my youth because many of my friends were just idling away and throwing time out of the window. Spending time with older people is a real wake up call...I have been spurred to treasure my youth and not let it go to waste...It is so ironic that all of us yearn to reach 25, and then desperately try to remain at that age forever.

The Zerolimits thingie is nearing completion...I am responsible for it, but I am still unclear about the details...In very broad terms, we provide webhosting, e banners, weekly coverage, editorial services and publicity...The team itself will engage its own website designer to create a graphic interface that can blend seamlessly into our pre-existing template. I'm really relieved that Stefan tied down the details with Adrian and Jezreel...saves me a world of trouble. Thanks man.

Finally got the payment from SPH for that micro-mini article I wrote a few months back...Wow...80 bucks...a princely sum for not much effort on my part...haha. Money matters are not exactly looking up...I have used one thousand bucks from my accountancy pay to fund my holiday to Beijing...which leaves me feeling quite poor.

Anyone wanna go to New Asia Bar or The Altivo? Please, please, please let me know! I also wanna check out J Bar...So if anybody feels thirsty...give me a buzz!

2006-05-13T10:09:00.000+08:00

Had a great day.

Went to the beach with Brian and spent most of the day soaking up the sun and doing nothing....The weather was great for most of the day, except for light showers in the afternoon. Still, that did not dampen our mood...we reminisced about the bad, old days in SigCoy and realised that the bad, old days were actually not that bad...Oh, we had a great time talking about makan trends over char kway teow and ice kachang at the hawker centre!

Brian's a chef at the Swissotel, so naturally food is a topic close to his heart...It's hard to find chefs nowadays with passion and verve...quite a few of them are chain-smoking cynics with pendulous mood swings...

Had dinner with FJ at MFM...Paid cut-throat prices to eat lousy food. 'nuff said...Went to town to do guitar shopping after dinner...An absolute waste of time because neither of us had any intention of buying. Had fun playing with the drums though...must have caused a real stir at the staid music school...I was stopped by a lumbering store assistant who reminded me of a lycanthrope.

We went to meet Evelyn at 8.30 and took her to the Friday Fiesta. The club was super crowded and we had to share a table with a group of bawdy, rowdy zoo animals. They wanted to make friends with us, so we obliged. I admit that I did it rather reluctantly as I did not like the over-friendliness of that group. I guess they are nice people and stuff...but I just wanted to have the evening to myself and I did not appreciate the sudden intrusion into my privacy. Rhonda, a lady from that group with an OTT red hairdo, was especially over-friendly. I introduced myself as Jazz:) Haha...so for the rest of the night, I had a really poseur-ish name with a musical lilt...Our conversation went like this:

Rhonda: hAAAArrr-LLLLLooooW HaaaandZzommmme!!!! ("act cute" smile...utter grossness...)

Me: hi.

R.: What's your name?

Me: Jazz ( eyeing the cute Eurasian chick on the dance floor...)

R.: Doyoucomehereoftenhowoldareyouithinki'veseenyoubeforesomewhereyoulookreallyyoungareyoustillinschoolorsomething?

Me: Huh?

R.: I LLLuuuuRRVe your name!!! It's Sooooooo coooool!!!! ( bulging eyes)

Me: ok.

R. : Where do you stay? What do you do in your free time? What kind of woman turns you on?

Me: Dunno. ( I can't believe I am talking to this cartoon character...I think she works in the ISD)

And then I do something really stupid...

Me: I've seen you here before...I th-

R.: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! (OMG this woman can really pull her words) Then why didn't you approach me? (Gleaming pirhana smile) Next time if I see you here, I'll make sure I get your aTTenSSShUNN ( takes a long swig of MY drink) heeheehee (tries to cover her what she probably believes to be a coy and flirty smile...)

At this juncture, I spotted Lucille and Gen at the opposite table and rushed over to say hi...I spent the rest of the night struggling to avoid Rhonda...much like a naked mole rat trying to run from a hungry King Cobra...

I ran 20km in the last two days...finally got my groove back...all this time I've been lying around and slacking and growing fat...now it's time to start my marathon training again! Haha! yeah!

Going to Shima for Japanese food tommorrow...First time I'm going there after Goodwood Park's renovation...Everytime I'm there I am disgusted by the behaviour of the snotty tai-tais and their spoilt, pampered children...I always find the presence of their hollow-eyed maids quite disconcerting, especially when they stare at me eating food that they don't have the opportunity to eat...I will feel guilty and lose my appetite.

2006-05-10T00:36:00.000+08:00

A really busy day today.

Had six hours of solid lessons...back-to-back...facing a menagerie of belligerent little faces..A raucous cacophony of screaming and shouting...chairs being painfully dragged against the floor...the air thick with flying accusations...flailing arms everywhere...this seems to be some kind of perverse, insane Madhatter's tea party...

I scream...As usual, nobody gives a damn.

Met my sis and her bf for late lunch at PS...To my utter horror, I found them mugging together on a date...This goes against all principles of nature...but then, love is impervious to principles of nature in the first place...maybe certain people like to spend time with their significant others scrutinising the Binomial theorem or some other obscure mathematical law...perhaps debating linear inequalities is their idea of a raunchy rendezvous? Who am I to disagree...

Spent the rest of the afternoon shopping with them....went to buy a Mother's Day gift...It's so hard to shop for my mum...she does not like anything in particular and dislikes most things in general....except stuff with garish, Obiang Cheena-pok motifs and designs...but she's my mum. And if she likes that, then that's the kind of stuff we will get. Mental images of hot pink lotus buds keep on popping up in my head.

Met Stefan in the evening. We went to meet the Zerolimits team...words flew back and forth in fast and furious volleys...I could not grasp the implications of our negotiations...so I just sat back and pretended to pay attention...occasionally doodling some crap on my note pad. Their programming knowledge is phenomenal whilst mine is close to zero...I struggle to pretend I understand, but sadly I can't. I try to chip in my two cents worth with the vague proclaimation that the "problem now lies in the layout"...I was swiftly corrected when some guy pointed out that it was "not the layout but the graphic interface." Argh...jargon and goobledygook...

How in the world did I get chosen to be in charge of this account when I know nuts about SQL, PHP, Webhosting, integrating blog engines and graphic design? At least I could understand them when they were discussing the sponsorship issues. That's something closer to my heart!

On my way to Jitterbugs, bumped into Sen...minutes later I bumped into Darrelle...and then Candy...So weird and coincidental! All three were very close to me in the past...but we drifted apart as time went by...hope to catch up for a cuppa soon.

Went clubbing with Desche and Valerie...lost myself in the surreal realm of incandescent lighting and pulsating music...Just love hanging out with the two of them...FJ did not come today...wonder why...perhaps Frankie was still feeling blue..haha. Oh, and Valerie should cover up because all the wolves around our table were staring at her and licking their chops...I was so disgusted. Not by her, of course.

I am convinced with each passing day that I was never meant to settle down in love. I was born to suffer uncertainty and insecurity. I was destined to endure entanglements and complications...but somewhere deep within, I hope that I can someday find a girl who will want me to love her simply and whole-heartedly...sans the painful mind games.

Actually, I've found such a person...but I really don't think I deserve her at all. Guess what? She isn't who all of you think she is...

2006-05-09T00:19:00.000+08:00

I hate being teased and tempted...

I hate innuendo, subtle overtures and coy smiles...

I hate half-truths, intrigue and ambiguities...

I hate "if", "maybe" and "perhaps"...

I hate it when a heat wave follows a cold draught.

I hate naughty winks and the sly parting of lips when you give me whimsical answers.

I hate having to read your body language...to unravel the mysteries behind your feminine wiles.

I hate your stretches of pregnant silence and your sudden bursts of vacuous verbosity...
Rattling on and on and on in that smug "I-told-you-so" tone.

Or maybe it's just me being selfish and infantile...desperately searching for certainty when certainty was never meant to be mine...

2006-05-07T22:00:00.000+08:00

A lazy weekend...

Went to Union for salsa...The dance floor was packed as usual...Union is not called "Home Of The Latin Beats" for nothing...haha. Most of my partners last night were very nice, except for a certain rude and uncouth Ah Lian who gave me very bad vibes...As she had been chainsmoking most of the night, her breath smelt like a dragon's...There was an Argentinean couple on the floor. The girl was an absolute princess but her pal looked like a pug. When I asked for a dance, the pug eye-balled me and whispered in a very hoarse voice( another chainsmoker), "she's already spoken for..." What a possesive, insecure and unfriendly old poke! For dramatic effect, he stroked her thigh and licked her ear( utter grossness!). The girl squirmed and went back to nurse her Gin and Tonic...I shrugged casually and subsequently shared the dance with a petite Chinese girl with a French Braid.

"Men always set themselves up for a fall..." Discuss.

This was one of the talking points during dinner with Mr. Tham. It's true you know...

Consider this: guys take girls to posh restaurants, buy expensive gifts and spend excessive amounts of time and effort obsessing over trivial details in the lives of "that special someone"... This creates hyper-inflated expectations and the girl starts to think that it is normal for the guy to express his love so lavishly. When they finally end up together, she gets a rude shock when her bf just can't (or is less willing) to meet her demands. The result is a relationship full of stress and tension.

I resolve never to set myself up for a fall ever again. I've done it so many times and the result has always been overwhelming pressure and anxiety. In future, I'll make sure that our relationship is built on the cornerstones of honesty, trust and openness...I will let you know what to expect if you decide to be with me. I will not pretend to be someone I am not. I will not hide under a veneer of epicurean sophistication. I will be caring throughout our relationship, and not just during the courting period.

*Haiz* it sounds so simple...but we all know how easy it is to slip into the image of someone we are not (at least for me..)

On another note, the food at Botak Jones is really great. Think Southern Comfort with the flavours of the Singaporean Heartland-Unpretentious and satisfying grub. Thick, Paprika-spiced fries that are crispy on the outside and fluffy inside... moist, tender Cajun chicken that gets more flavourful with every bite! The burgers are too-die-for as well. In many fast food chains, a burger is a synthetic mass of glutens and some unsavoury pig/chicken/cow parts (eg snouts, ass and ears). If you are REALLY lucky, you can taste what animal you are eating. On most occasions however, the burger in your styrofoam container is usually a factory-produced disc that is dry, hard and tastes of animal fat. Here, the burgers are fist-sized mounds of REAL MEAT! I suspect that breadcrumbs is incorporated into the delicious blend of minced beef, egg yolk and spices (usual homemade burger ingredients). This is because the burger does not disintegrate into incoherent bits even after being cut with a steak knife...

Met FJ for a drink recently...Frankie had a story to tell...He recently got re-acquainted with a gal pal from his uni days. Over the course of a few months, they dated and things seemed to be heading in the right direction. She was sending out good vibes, but FJ did not want to rush things. He remained his usual cool cucumber self...

Until the day disaster struck and she came to meet him on a date...with a new bf in tow.

Apparently, she felt she was not getting younger and was tired of waiting. The other guy was perceived to be less passive and more committed.

"Can you imagine how I felt when I had to watch them cuddle AND claim that it was great that the two of them got together? I really, really liked her you know..." FJ's voice was choked with emotion. The man who controlled the accounts of bigwig clients in an international bank was at his weakest and most vulnerable.

Well FJ, if you really liked her, why didn't you tell her? You had nothing to lose but your own pride then...Now, you lost the Golden Ticket. Well, hope you'll bounce back soon. Learn something from this and move on. Let this be a lesson to all the passive guys out there...

Meeting Stefan for dinner on Tues...looking forward to that.

2006-05-05T19:58:00.000+08:00

Not a great day...Even though today was my off day...

Was awakened by a call from Desche...Some incoherent apologies and explanations...but the gist of the message was that he can't club with us tonight...I mumbled, "it's ok.." and flopped back into my pillow.

Continued sleeping till nine...woke up and had instant noodles and 3-in-1 coffee for breakfast...Flipped through the papers and was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of election coverage...Watched Scooby Doo on cartoon network and then fell asleep on the couch.

At around ten, I woke up to check some emails...Received a mail from Adrian, the guy in charge of the SMU expedition. Apparently, a group of students from SMU are going on a bike expedition across France to promote this new concept called " Adventure Learning"...Megs approached me and asked me if I could get Funkygrad to be the official media partner...Stefan and I thought this was cool, so we agreed...I spent most of the morning working out the details of our contract and arranging for a follow-up meeting.

After the Attica debacle, I have become more selective of the stuff that we choose to cover...I do not want a repeat of the same incident...the embarassment...the disappointment...the mismatched expectations...*yucks*.

Went to the library in the afternoon and bumped into Kev...he was on his way to the airport...Turns out my clique was going to Bangkok for the weekend...and nobody told me.

Went home...had to cancel a date with J. because something cropped up at the last minute. No alternative date was fixed.

2006-05-04T15:57:00.000+08:00

Kinda disappointed with last night's event...

Went really early to stake out the place and check out the pre-event prep...Sad to say, there was no pre-event prep...10 min to the party, the place was still empty...The photog was getting restless and randomly snapping some shots of the dance floor and the DJs...The organisers were apologising profusely and were explaining the big screw-up...I was TRYING to sound understanding...and telling them not to worry.

Pity though...it was touted to be the greatest post-exam bash ever...the promo poster looked really psychedelic and retro...and the venue was top-notch and hip...but there were only sixteen people at the party...The sponsors pulled out and the programme was scrapped...what was left were surly, sulky guests and bored service crew...Geez...come to think of it, there were more waiters than party guests...

Left early after an extremely unfruitful evening...went to Liang Court 7-11 to grab a coke before heading home...

2006-05-01T10:28:00.000+08:00

I am feeling extremely stressed now.

Went for the BAL exam yesterday@ NUS...Topic was the conflict between privacy( as a fundamental right) and the need to protect the sexual privacy of society-at-large...Apparently, some foreign tourists had recently witnessed a weirdo sunbathing nude in an area with public access...The moral sensitivities of the tourists were offended...this led to a police report and a subsequent conviction...blah blah blah

Anyway, this blog post is not about the BAL...it's about what happened immediately after the BAL...Some Law Seniors invited the freshies to a post-exam bash at Attica Too...Being the kaypoh that I am, I offered to cover the event and post it on the funkygrad webbie...Stefan said Ok...so I proceeded to source for a photog, arrange for free party passes and compile the event details...worse, I promised the Events people free pre-party publicity and coverage of the post-party VIP afterparty ( don't let the semantics confuse you, this is just a chillout session at the VIP area.)

One big glitch...the party has NO FIXED PROGRAMME! SHIT! What am I going to write about? After I told Stefan...things started getting ugly...he told me not to bother with this event as it would be a waste of my effort...However, I already arranged for the photog and event coverage crew! How now?

I'm sorry Stefan...Really in quite a fix now...if there is nothing to write about, I'm screwed...and the Marketing people are not answering my calls...

Oh, by the way, check out my new post...

http://www.funkygrad.com/campus/displayarticle.php?artID=704&subcat=rave

2006-04-28T23:33:00.000+08:00

Really feeling conflicted lately.

Six years is a big gap...

When I was in Primary One, She was in Secondary One...

When I am 25, she will be 31...

Maybe it's not such a good idea after all...

But I've fallen in too deep...and it's hard to come up for air...

2006-04-27T21:06:00.000+08:00

Feeling down the past few days.

Children in my class are really noisy and naughty. One of them emptied his classmate's school bag into a big drain full of fast-flowing water during an afternoon of torrential rain. The victim went rabid and jumped in to retrieve his barang barang...I cried "honour and glory" and then jumped in after him...Why must this happen five minutes before dismissal time?

Yesteday, the sewage pipe burst...shit floated all over a toilet. I was on corridor duty and had to check things out...I nearly fainted from the horrid odour...At first I thought a student with diarrhoea could not control his bowel movements and did it behind the staircase, until I saw the toilet floor covered with you-know-what.

Why is it that each day at school leaves me feeling like I have swallowed razor blades? I scream but nobody gives a damn.

Got a new lobang as a nightspot reviewer with funkygrad...first assignment was covering some SMU bash at DXO...lousy club, lousy crowd and lousy party...but Paul and Stefan, the two photogs working with me, are real pros...Interviewed two models after the fashion show...must say that they were quite chio...took photo with them..haha

Next gig will probably be at Butter Factory...crossing my fingers that the people in editorial give me that one.

I miss my beautiful architect....

2006-04-23T23:33:00.000+08:00

"Purest of Pain"

I'm sorry I didn't mean to call
but I couldn't fight it
I guess I was weak and couldn't even hide it
and so I surrender just to hear your voice

I know how many times I said I'm gonna to live with out you
and maybe someone else is standing there beside you
but there's something baby that you need to know
that deep inside me I feel like I'm dying

I have to see you it's all that I'm asking.
Vida, give me back my fantasies
the courage that I need to live
the air that I breathe

carino mio, my world becomes so empty
my day's are so cold and lonely
and each night I taste
the purest of pain.

I wish I could tell you I'm feeling better every day
that it didn't hurt me when you walked away
but to tell you the truth I can't find my way
and deep inside me I feel like I'm dying

2006-04-21T23:10:00.000+08:00

That Old Devil called Love has snagged my heart again...

Once again, I stay up late into the night to talk on the phone ( why don't people in love ever talk in the day?)

Once again, I will have to toss and turn in bed, thinking of her for two hours before sleep overwhelms me.

Once again, all the quiet moments in the day will be filled with thoughts of her and her beautiful eyes...

Once again, socks will be mismatched, books misplaced and instructions misheard...simply because my heart is not with me for most of the day.

Once again, the florist and I will rekindle our years-long friendship...and she will find me more than willing to part with my money for the additional rose buds and sunflowers...

Once again, my parents will nag about priorities, responsibilities and accountability...all their little lectures would not make any sense to this little puppy in love.

Once again, I am made aware of my little inadequecies and insecurities...and once again I will vow to change them.

Once again, I will feel fear, anxiety and distress...as well as hope, peace and anticipation.

Once again, my looks become more important to myself.and that means using icky contact lenses...

Once again, all my friends will be bored to tears with tales of how I spent the weekend with her...and they will all pray that I get bored of her company soon.

Once again, I will vow never to be bored of her company, knowing that the vow would be empty and shallow.

Once again, I will wait for hours just so that she is free enough for me to wish her good night.

Once again, I will have to choose a place to eat and something to do...going with the herd is no longer the comfy option...

Once again, people around me will urge me to reconsider...

Once again, I will ask them to bugger off...while something deep inside me urges me to slow down and listen ( I think the little voice is common sense.)

Once again, I will have to think and think and think...

But you know what? I think all of this is worth it at the end of the day.

2006-04-16T18:06:00.000+08:00

"Amor, no es amor (if this aint love)

Is this an illusion that I have in my heart?"

~ Frankie J. "Obsession"

A sultry Margarita.

A beautiful stranger.

A recipe for danger.

The dance floor beckons...

we unleash our inhibitions,

like mating pythons shedding dry moults.

Let the air of the night fill our gasping lungs,

let us drink deep from each other's secret wells...

Let there be nothing hidden as our shadows meet and kiss.

Our eyes taunt and tempt,

our breath is hot and heavy...

our hungry hearts beat to the same rhythm.

We are slaves to Desire,

enthralled by Delirium...

the night captures us in a moving dream.

Forget yourselves for una noche...

forget your fears, hopes and senses....

fill your hearts with the fire of passion-

the fire that makes us ache in our ecstacy.

When there is no ground beneath your feet,

when her locks whip your fevered brow,

when the world disappears in a whirlpool...

Time stops...

you are blessed with a fleeting moment of Immortality.

Oh my...What can get more cheesy than what I have just written?! But thought I'd post it anyway because for everyone to read and have a good laugh! Haha...Figured I can actually write crap poems quite well...wonder if Hallmark will pay me to do this full-time?

2006-04-15T11:28:00.000+08:00

Went to Xenbar last night...

What a disappointment....expected a hip and happening joint with dry ice, beautiful people and a live band...you know, the works....All we got was a thin crowd and a tiny dance-floor.

Arrived at around 9.30 and sat awhile at the bar area waiting for my two pallies. My first impression of the place was bad because there was a heavy odour of deep-fried animal parts at the bar area. The bar overlooks an open-kitchen, which is not really a scenic site. The Filipino bartender poured me a Coke lite and I stewed around for awhile. There was a class going on, so the dance floor was out-of-bounds. I did not enjoy waiting while being masked by the horrid oily smell.

When the dance floor was finally open, I made my way to the middle deck with a lukewarm soda in my hand. At the dance floor last night, there were no more than four chicks....There were at least ten guys! I was glib and managed to convince a young lady to dance with me...Unfortunately, she was a foot taller than me. We stumbled around because she could not clear my allardes and turns, but we did have alot of fun laughing at ourselves! We shared an okay dance, pleasant but so forgettable...I do not even remember her name now!

When I was dancing with her, my buddies Ken and Rui arrived. They ordered Tigers and vodka lime and then proceeded to slink away in the shadows to sip their drinks. After a round of bacchata with the same young lady, I went over to join them. The three of us bitched about what a sad place this was, and left half an hour later.

It was an unfulfilling evening.

2006-04-11T23:25:00.000+08:00

Wow.

That's the only word in my mind after my first L.A. lesson.

Almost everyone is 5 or 6 levels above me...The people from the L.A. class have already completed the entire Cuban syllabus. Some of them have dance experience from other schools...so they are technically competent as well as widely exposed...and they are not afraid to show it.

I stumbled around like a drunk penguin throughout the lesson. Even though I had intensive secret training, nothing prepared me for what was in store. The Cross-body turn itself was enough to make me see stars....Worse, we had to execute it with Allardes and leads, all the while maintaining our shimmies and footwork! Spotting practice was a nightmare...it made the hook turns and combi-turns that I had learnt in Salsa 1 seem really easy.

I thought The Hardcore Clique (i.e. Desche, Jon, Kelvin, Val, Clara, Angeline and me) was already the most "seow on" clique in Jitterbugs, but I was proven wrong. The L.A. crowd is much younger than the Salsa 1 crowd...and the class has nearly twice as many people...Everyone is so energetic, playful and loud...I feel old just being in the same room as them...There are a few older ladies, but even they seem more lively than me. Everybody was so enthu that our lesson was extended by half an hour! Talk about value for money! Girls in the L.A. class are less hot than those in the Salsa 1 class (*sighz*)...but they are sassier, more open and more willing to try out new things (*yeahz!*).

Fortunately, Joyce remained our female dance instructor...Barry replaced Jason as the male lead...My first impression of him was quite good...He has very high standards, is a perfectionist and pays alot of attention to details that are easily overlooked. I think he is a focused and passionate instructor. Compared to Jason, his expectations are definitely more difficult to meet.

Looks like this class will be interesting...

At this juncture, I just want to show appreciation to my family. Recently, I was down in the doldrums. My family really helped me to pull myself together and find new meaning in life. I've realised that I've placed too much attention on the wrong things in life. I guess it's time I picked up the pieces and moved on.

When I asked my dad why he was so good to me even though I am so bad to him sometimes, he just said,

" When you are a father yourself, you will know why..."

Think about it.

2006-04-05T11:38:00.000+08:00

Time really flies...

After countless rounds of turns, twists, breaks, shins and shimmies, I am done with Salsa 1...Our class will soon be streamed. I hope to devote myself to mastering L.A. or Cuban style soon. Jason and Iris gave a great demo of Casino Salsa...but it does not appeal to me.

Over the weeks, Union has become our "training ground". The best way to improve is to dance with someone from another dance school, or someone who is obviously much better than you. Tuesdays are Beginner Nights, so it is a great opportunity to practise. On weekend nights, the dance floor is filled with pros and zai people. For mere mortals, it seems that the only thing to do is watch and sip Martinis...

After last night's lesson, the hardcore clique (Val, Clara, Angeline, Dash, Jon.C and me) duly adjourned to Union to groove and chill. The ladies took a cab and Dash drove the guys (talk about reversal of gender roles!)...but then we got lost somewhere at Telok Blangah and ended up going around in circles and figures-of-eight...When we arrived at Union, I was already a little bit dizzy...

Nevertheless, it was only a short while before we made our way to do dance floor and started grooving along...I danced with the three ladies for awhile before I went to look for a dance partner from another school...

First up was Sharon from L.A. Dance Studio...As a freelance fitness instructor, she had heaps of stamina and was able to keep pace with the up tempo beats of the livelier numbers (even as I was beginning to get an asthma attack from overexertion!) Her breaks were a little bit off, but I liked the way she executed her basics...She really brought in alot of her own style. Her shimmies were really great. Excellent upper body movement! I was really impressed by her hips...they moved to their own beat...really, really sensual and sultry (I don't mean this in a cheeko pek way...btw, it's sultry, not slutty...)

Next up was Chris, from Attitude Dance Studio. This lady was a noob, so I had to work quite hard on leads and turns. She smiled alot, which kinda made the hardwork that I had put in worth it..haha. I had to make sure that my repertoire did not throw her off her tracks...Luckily, the songs we danced to were rather even-tempoed numbers that did not call for nifty footwork or violent sashaying...I had alot of fun dancing with her, too bad I got scratched by the chunky ring on her index finger.

Number three was Elizabeth, who had picked up Salsa from Jitterbugs and JJ...She was sassy and full of attitude...but very nice towards me...It was easy dancing with her because we came from the same school, and she was able to pick up all my leads. She smiled alot and gave me tips...I really have to keep her advice in mind and step harder when I do my breaks and shins...It's all a matter of weight distribution.

Pity the kopi clique could not join us last night....Missed Roy's wisecracks and Evelyn's laughter...Hope to see them on Friday for the Fiesta.

Well, I'm looking forward to the Fiesta...Hope Friday comes soon!

2006-04-03T10:25:00.000+08:00

Questions to ask your heart:

Do you want to live like there's no tommorrow or spend your waking moments worrying what tommorrow may bring?

Do you want to die young or live a long life...but grow old and wither?

Is it better to have loved and lost or to keep your heart pure and unscarred?

They say that Time heals all wounds...but can Time heal the scars that are the legacy of these wounds?

Why is it that the sunsets are but a prelude to darkness?

Would you prefer a simple life or one filled with great deeds and excitement?

Why do the most beautiful things never fully belong to you?

Why do we always hurt the people who love us the most?

Why do I feel lonelier in a crowd than on my own?

Why is it that when we finally get the things we work so hard for, we never learn to cherish and treasure them?

2006-03-23T14:09:00.000+08:00

Well...I would really miss doing this....NOT!!! Hahaha

2006-03-23T14:07:00.000+08:00

Bye Bye Guys...

2006-03-23T13:41:00.000+08:00

Army life is finally coming to an end...So many things that I will miss doing. To me, army days were about...

Sleeping under a canopy of stars...

Using my SBO as a pillow...

Worrying if I would get confined the following weekend...

Spending lazy afternoons in bunk with endless cups of sweet instant coffee...

Fooling around in the company office.

Stealing a nap at the 800-series shelf in Master Mary's store...

Skiving in the lines store...
while pretending to be reeling lines.

Swimming in seas of lallangs on moonlit nights...
Clawing my way up cruel ridges and knolls...

Pretending to march to the cookhouse...

Reporting sick for blisters...
but enduring sprains and fevers.

Doing COS Cookhouse duty,
and thinking of ways to smoke the DOS and the DO
into letting me go off earlier.

Stuffing crap into my field pack,
and praying they would not activate us over the weekend.

Polishing boots and cleaning my rifle because there was nothing else to do.

Flying all over the world
and getting involved in other people's exercises.

Countless rounds of PT
all because of one man's obsession with physical fitness...

Sweating it out
on the hot, black asphalt of the Division Parade Square.

Playing DOTA at Bukit Timah Plaza during nights out
and having supper at Boon Tong Kee afterwards...
And who can forget the infamous LOT ONE?
A shopper's Purgatory, but a soldier's Paradise.

Imitating OC and CSM to much laughter from the other soldiers.

Sharing a Rover ride with Thai and Taiwanese soldiers...
all older than me.

Going for shooting at the Tekong and Mandai Range...
and having to clean up the stupid lane afterwards.

Setting up radios and rebros...
both the lifeblood and the bane of signallers...

Being deployed in lim Chu Kang, Ulu Sembawang and Pasir Laba...
where the mosquitoes and sandflies show no mercy.

a clandestine smoke break, under cover.

evil packs of combat rations...that even dogs and wild boars would reject.

Above all, army days were about taking yourself less seriously...about true friendship...about teamwork and brothehood.

2006-03-18T19:57:00.000+08:00

My love affair with wine began when I was fifteen years old. I have always been enthralled by the mystique and romanticsm surrounding wine and wine-making processes. I am amazed by how the same grapes yield totally different products when exposed to small variations in climate and time....and of course, human actions! The way fruity, floral and mineral aromas blend to produce a bouquet is pure magic...Wine is such a complex and intriguing nectar...each mouthful brings new undertones and nuances that prove previous impressions wrong! Each region has its own wine tradition and culture...and it is simply mind-boggling to understand each and every one of them.

I have never had formal wine appreciation training. I gleaned most of my tasting practices from drinking with friends and reading wine books. My thirst for knowledge eventually brought me to Tommy Lam's The Champagne Room, adjacent to his Wine Amigo cellars near Somerset MRT station. I attended a tasting session conducted by Tommy one Saturday afternoon and left with an even greater thirst for wine knowledge.

We sampled Pinot Noir, Merlot, Muscat, Champagne and Chardonnay...What surprised me was the sharp contrast between two Chardonnays...One bottle was from Chile and the other from France. The Chilean Chardonnay had a woody and spicy bouquet that was worlds apart from the peachy and fresh bouquet of the French Chardonnay. We later learnt that Chilean wine is much more intense in flavour because the Chardonnay grapes absorb more sunlight than the French ones, thus building up sugars within the fruit itself! Fascinating!

The wine-tasting session was indeed an eye-opener.

Went for my first Latin Fiesta on Friday night...Really swept away by the Salseros...so envious of those who can groove confidently to the salsa beat. I guess my problem is stiffness...and if I can somehow learn how to loosen up a little, I'll be a better dancer. For lonely guys out there, salsa clubs are a great place to meet new gals...hot gals too, if I may add. However, you gotta be very confident of yourself, cos you are expected to lead! The gals are just following your motions, so it is important that you have a clear idea of how you are going to groove. The worst impression you are going to end up leaving a girl with is that she is dancing with Frankenstein ( after he has had a tequila liquid buffet!)

Went to The Balcony after shopping that day...Totally unimpressed by the joint. My friend and I were shuffled to an obscure corner that smelt of deep-fried animal flesh and carbon monoxide. The raucous traffic from the streets was VERY audible from our cramped alfresco spot. Worst, the bloody waiter placed us under an industrial-strength fan, which was whirring at the volume of a chainsaw...Mysteriously, the fan was emitting some kind of water vapour unto the patrons below (i.e. us). The Maitre'D had a condescending air around him...He had a smile that was oilier than an oil slick and regarded us as we might regard seacucumbers or amoebas...Rui wanted to slap the waiter's face with credit cards...just to prove that we were not, as the waiter thought, "people with low purchasing power". Just as we were about to order our cocktails, the irritating waiter requested to check our ICs (probably because of me lah.)! I am already used to these kind of actions, because everyone at every bar I go wants to check my IC...but Rui blew his top.

We left in a huff. I was thinking, "wtf did he not check the ics of the other patrons? Why only us?" The waiter probably thought that I was some kid and wanted to jit seow (disturb) a bit...Anyway, I was appalled not because he wanted to check, but because he had a damn condescending look on his face...even the disgusting mole-like thing in his nostril was looking at me with an air of conceit...gross....

Anyway, I vowed not to return. So what if they have one-for-one during Happy Hours? By the way, if you read the words next to the asterisk, this promotion only begins in November hor...

2006-03-15T09:43:00.000+08:00

After spending most of Monday crunching numbers, I decided to give myself a really good rest on Tuesday.

Unfortunately, more work came pouring in and I was forced to delay my fun until late afternoon.

More and more cashbooks and general ledgers....avalanches of bank statements with dubious origins...tides upon tides of bills, cheque butts and serial numbers...all waiting to be pieced into a coherent jigsaw puzzle of accounting spreadsheets....Amendments to be made at the last minute...Mistakes that have not been clearly indicated. There was also a heap of confusion between the terms "brought forward" and "carried over", leading to countless instances of double accounting!!! And of course, the Herculean task of error tracing....

YES....April...Income Tax season....When every accountant (together with his/her overworked staff and underpaid son/daughter) is rushing to submit tax returns, invoices and naptimes. T.S. Elliot had a point when he quipped,

"April is the cruellest month,

breeding lilacs out of the dead land,

mixing memory with desire,

stirring dull roots with spring rain."

I had to settle the wine course details asap. De Rui and I went to meet Tommy Lam at Wine Amigo...Tommy turned out to be a walrus with a pony-tail.... with a deep, booming baritone and a lumbering amble in his movements. However, there was an air of confidence and stability in his gait. This guy is allegedly one of the best "Noses" in the Singaporean F&B industry...Check out his credentials:

Wine MBA, Bordeaux Ecole de Management
Member - Academy of Food and Wine Service, UK
Society of Wine Educators, USA
Commandarie de Bordeaux.
International Wine and Food Society
Chaine des Rotisseurs.
Food NewsGazine - Wine consultant and columnist

Wah, very "UP", right? I think the course is going to be great....I have much to learn this Saturday.

Let me tell you a dirty little secret *pervy smirks* When I am feeling naughty I lock myself in my room and role-play. I pretend that I am a hot Latin Salsero:) I think that I am Jitterbugs Swingapore Salsa 1 Class' most dedicated( a.k.a seow on) student....I actually practise when I am alone...At home, of course. And behind closed doors.

Salsa has really changed my life...I love the dancing, but I am still uncomfortable having to be so close and intimate with unfamiliar women. Cheap perfume puts me off...and I don't like it when my dance partner is taller than me...and many of the women in my class are.

Went to Union Bar last night for their Salsa Night.. A knock-out event with an authentic Afro-Caribbean Salsa band....Great vibes, young and energetic crowd...On Salsa night, all salseros get free entry and one free drink...so it is a great place to groove or chill, if you are on a shoe string budget. Just present your membership card. Mine went into the washing machine...so it was kinda torn and smudged when I gave it to the guy at the bar.

I roped in Sam and Jon from my salsa class to come along. Sam works in Goldman Sachs and Jon in ABN...but they are really down-to-earth and unpretentious people...and they are fun to hang out with. Sam claimed that he was just going to watch and soak in the vibes...little did he know that Fate was being very kind to him that night...

At nine, the event kicked off...I paid for a locker and proceeded to look for a partner. There were two cute girls just standing there waiting to be picked up. One of them was a knock-out. The other was kinda cute in a girl-next-door kind of way. I went with the cute one and Sam with the beauty queen.

It turns out that both were Koreans and in their early-twenties...Both had never really tried salsa, so Sam and I tried our best to lead (with our low standards)...The four of us laughed alot and fumbled alot and had alot of fun...the funniest thing was, at the end of everything, my new friend asked me if what I was dancing was Salsa! I was a world apart from the zai pros on the dance floor.

We asked the girls to join us for a drink...turns out there was another one! Three guys and three girls...What a nice ratio. Jon was quite action mama before he came into Union..but once he came, he basically rooted himself to the dance stool...sipping and sipping and sipping...

After a great night, we got set to leave...Sam was still talking and talking to his new friend...and he kept on asking us to "give (him) five more minutes ok?" His five minutes were VERY VERY LONG...

2006-03-02T12:37:00.000+08:00

Definitely a POSED PHOTO!

2006-03-02T12:30:00.000+08:00

After Kayaking...I am feeling a little bit queasy....I get seasick quite easily lor!

2006-03-02T12:28:00.000+08:00

At the Beach Bar!

2006-03-02T12:26:00.000+08:00

The Sun, The Sea and Me! Pity I can't photoshop away my yucksie beach shorts!Haha

2006-03-02T11:17:00.000+08:00

"不要去找那种不三不四的 char bor hor! " ~ Mummy

Ok guys! I'm back! Back from the sunny beaches of Bintan...with a beautiful honey-hued tan and free from salacious scandals with women of ill-repute...I wonder why Mummy gave me this kind of "good" advice. I think she confused Bintan with Batam. Haha.

Anyway, the trip was wonderful...Great beaches, excellent company and fine weather...What more could a guy on holiday ask for? The vacation gave me an opportunity to unwind and to take stock of life...It was a much-needed break for me to consider my future options (eg."Should I eat Roti John or chicken curry for lunch? Or maybe I should try both? And in what proportion? ")

I really enjoyed the lazy, langorous afternoons spent soaking up the warm and peachy sun...and being coaxed to sleep by the gentle sea breeze. The salty-sweet smell of the playful waves lapping at my curled toes still lingers fondly in my mind. Sticking my tongue out, I could taste the sweetness of nature. Not a sound could be heard, save for the pure and resonant singing of the waves as they met the shore. The sand on the pristine beaches was as fine and soft as a young child's dream...It was so beautiful, it seemed surreal. Mmmm....I like!

My friends and I stayed at the Cempaka Villas, which oozed oodles of quaint, rustic charm. Our estate was an image of idyllic bliss. Luckily, it was not the holiday season yet, so there were no irritating hordes of kiasu Singaporean tourists! Everything was just so quiet and perfect. It was a pity that our villa did not have an indoor swimming pool...but at least we had a cute little buggy all to ourselves! Oh, and cable TV too.

But screw the cable la! I mean, there are so many other fun things to do.

We went kayaking, swimming, played beach volleyball and just hung out at the beach...I found the time to build some sand castles and pick sea shells....We even got an aromatherapy massage by the beach! (Haha, but the masseur 出手太重 and somehow managed to knead out one of my toenails while massaging my toes!)

At night, we went for drinks at the Neeyala, a beach bar...The Long Island Tea was really, really strong...but it still went down very well. Rayner's Route 101 was horrid though, it reeked of almonds...just like cyanide! Hahaha. The restaurants at the Resort served yucksy food...flat, boring and lacking soul...the mango pudding was a tapioca cake that was supposed to be drizzled with a mango sauce created from artificial flavourings! Yucks! The roast leg of lamb with mustard sauce looked and tasted like a stale Christmas log cake. The tiramisu was a goey, incoherent mess...low quality Mascaporne cheese was used, which made the mess taste unnaturally sharp. Worse, the grilled vegetables had started to turn watery, the result of seating too long on a bed of (*gasp!*) shaved ice! Hullo?! Grilled vegetables have to be served WARM!

Anyway, the food and drinks there are really expensive ( 5 bucks for a bottle of Coke?!) So we did our own cooking too. Duane made marvellous chicken steaks and panfried Sutchi fillets...Delicious Penne pasta too! Duane is a really conscientious cook...I think he would make the perfect housemate. Rayner's experiment with Angel Hair pasta turned out quite lumpy, but I give him an A* for effort. I was the De Facto Sommelier, and tried to make sure that the Merlots that I had brought over was a fitting compliment to Duane's gorgeous cooking.

All said, it was a great holiday. Words cannot describe the happiness that I felt when we were having fun together...It's kinda sad that we will be going our separate ways soon...But at least I have great memories of our time in Bintan:)

Lyrics

2006-02-23T21:57:00.000+08:00

Here are some beautiful words that I found to be really, really meaningful:

"Realise that life goes fast/ it's hard to make the good things last/...realise the sun don't go round, it's just an illusion caused by the world...spinning round."
-Flaming Lips, "Do You Realise

" Don't wanna wake up alone anymore/ still believing you'll walk through my door..../ all I need is to know it's for sure/ That I'll give...All the love in the world."
-The Corrs, "All The Love In The World"

" If I could, then I would, I will go wherever you will go/ way up high, or down low/ I'll go wherever you will go."
-The Calling, " Wherever You Will Go"

“为你付出那种深情你永远不了解，我又何苦面勉强自己爱上你的一且。”
- 李胜杰, 痴心绝对

" Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk."
-Kelly Clarkson, "Because Of You"

" Tears in my eyes/but I do not cry/ I used to get lost in your eyes/...it seemd that I can't leave a day without you.../ closing my eyes...you chased my thoughts away...to a place where I am blinded by the light/ but it's not right..."
-Michelle Branch, "Goodbye To You"

"...And I don't want the world to see me/ cos I don't think that they'd understand.../when everything's made to be broken...I just want you to know who I am."
-Googoo Dolls, "Iris"

" They say that the road ain't no place to start a family/ right down the line it's between you and me/ and loving a music man ain't always what it supposed to be../ I'm forever yours...Faithfully"
-Journey, "Faithfully"

" Without you within me, I cant find my way..."
-Backstreet Boys, "Incomplete"

" Even when I dream of you/ the sweetest dream will never do."
-Aerosmith, " I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing"

2006-02-23T02:17:00.000+08:00

Went for salsa last night...Another brilliant session...music was bad though...Spanish covers of Enrique Iglesias songs. Horribly tacky and cheesy. I realise that the salsa gals have a really bad habit. When they want the guys to hold them close, they always say, " Don't be afraid, I won't bite..." Everybody says it, so after a while it gets irritating! I mean, of course I know you wouldn't bite me. I am not some ignorant one-year old child. Neither do I suffer from an irrational phobia of human teeth. The reason why I am refraining from being too close to you is:

a) You need to brush your teeth.

b) You give off static...and it is making the tiny hairs on my arm stand ( don't laugh, this actually happens)

c) I am really uncomfortable because your boyfriend is watching us, and I can't make it seem like I am enjoying our dance, even if I am...)

d) You are too tall and if I am too close to you, my nose will be touching your boobs (applicable to my Caucasian dance partners.)

Anyway, something embarassing happened. I was really reluctant to dance with this gal who had a paikia bf...I guess my body language showed it...I was so tense and stiff during the dance. After one round, her bf turned and asked me jokingly, " Why? 我的公主不够美啊?" The whole class erupted in laughter.

Went to watch 小孩不笨2 with my Mum and Dad. We did not like it because it was too didactic and suffered from clumsy direction. I believe that Jack Neo is trying too hard to milk sentimentality and patois from his audience. Jack Neo's films are getting increasingly shallow and formulaic, and rely too heavily on suspension of disbelief. Not funny.

In contrast, I found Woody Allen's "Matchpoint" excellent. I went to catch it with Huiwen before she flew back to Australia. The story is about a sordid affair between a man and the woman who was to become his sister-in-law...It was a chilling portrayal of obsession and corruption. In the beginning, the protagonist, Chris , is full of noble ambitions and seeks to "make a contribution to society". However, he is trapped in a romantic entanglement with the sensual but dangerous Nola (played by the HOT Scarlett Johannasen). He is thus caught in a downward spiral that culminates in two tragic murders. I shall not spoil the ending:)

I believe that Matchpoint's strength lies in the intelligent script, which is redolent with irony and sardonic bleakness. The naunced performances of the cast imbued the film with deeper layers of complexity...Most of the cast were relative unknowns, but they managed a superb portrayal of the human condition. Scarlett J. was a stand out as the temperamental yet vulnerable Nola. The sombre backdrop of opera pieces infused the film with a deep and brooding atmosphere. The tone was dark, but Woody Allen ensured that it was finely balanced by spontaneous bursts of black humour. I found the torrid love scenes to be searing in their intensity...decadent, hedonistic and steeped in blind lust.

When comparing "Matchpoint" with 小孩不笨, I was struck by the enormous disparity in standards. The former was a sensitive film-noir with psychological depth while the latter was a clumsily assembled diatribe against our society's flaws. Having said that, I believe that 黄毅梁 gave a wonderful performance as an alienated ex-convict who struggles for acceptance, especially from his psychologically-enstranged son.

Voices in our community encourage us to support local films...but when you look at something as good as "Matchpoint", it is clear that we have a long way to go.

Went to shoot pool with Steph, Yinghua and Christine. It was fun hanging out with these cool and beautiful people...even though I got trounced by them so many times.

Currently reading Franz Kafka's Metamorphosis..an allegory on alienation and isolation...

2006-02-21T17:03:00.000+08:00

Had a really, really hectic week.

Went for my first salsa lesson on Tuesday. It was as fun and cool as I had expected it to be...Initially, I was really uncomfortable at being physically intimate with a female stranger...I mean, even my mum doesn't draw me so close to her bosom...It did not help that Jason, my Dance Instructor, kept on telling the guys to put their hands where their partners' bra strap was...Every body was so embarassed and I was wondering why I had not signed up for something milder...like mime. My first dance partner smelled of cheap perfume and bacardi rum....and I had alot of trouble finding her "bra strap"...When she said, " Don't bother, I'm not wearing any." I felt a sudden urge to report sick...Luckily, my second partner was the beautiful Lina...I had a great lesson with her:)

I went for the Law Society's Law Conference cum Cocktail Party@ The Supreme Court on Thursday...Really amazed at the dismal state of the legal profession today. Many Law grads are not practising Law because of the high-stress lifestyle...which they feel is not very healthy...so many of them go and work as legal counsels (*yawnz*)...I was extremely bored by the Attorney-General's opening address because he was mumbling to himself the whole time. Panel discussion was great...that was where I learnt many things...For instance, you can speak lousy English and still be a Lawyer. Many of the speakers punctuated their sentences with "Las", "Lors" and "Lehs"..."Dowan" and "got meh?" were also prominently featured... Content was quite informative, but nothing that was not already inside the Conference Materials...Lunch was bagus...with Roast Beef, Grilled Shrimp and Paella in the menu...together with assorted cold cuts, fettucine pomordaro and mixed berry custard....simply brilliant. After lunch, everyone was sleepy and did not really pay attention to the speakers..pity though...because the admission fee for the event was like 156 bucks per person...There were lots of people asking questions...but the most hilarious one was a Punjabi from the Indian subcontinent...He was so cheem that even the panelists couldn't understand what he was saying...he was interrupted midway through his lispy ramble and politely asked to seat down...everyone was trying to be civilised and stifling their laughter...

As the youngest in the room, I attracted quite alot of attention.I n fact, two lawyers were talking about me and discussing the letter I wrote to the Straits Times Forum. I was pleased to accept their praise, even though they did not know that the writer was sitting behind them! A few lawyers came to talk to me during lunchtime and told me not to waste my time. "The Legal Profession is DEAD!!!! DEAD! I tell you", a grizzled old hand proclaimed, his stubby finger pointing at the sky, as if accusing the Heavens of not caring enough for the Earth's Lawyers...hahaha

Cocktail party was cool...so high-class and posh nosh...everyone was so atas....Free flow of white and red too! What a beautiful way to end the day...I guess this was the event everyone was waiting for.

Went for Dimsum lunch on Wednesday with my bunkies @ 龙门....greasy siew mai...prawns steeped in sodium benzoate...lethargic and uninspired food....and the honey-dew sago was a saccharine mess. It was no wonder that the place was not even an eighth filled during lunch time...Yuks.

2006-02-13T21:13:00.000+08:00

Guys...I am back!!!!!

The Shrine was down for awhile...but now that the Guardian of The Shrine is happy again, it will be filled once more with quirky confessions and neurotic musings. Muahaha....not to mention cute photos in which you can see my happy boy-boy smile!!!!

Anyway, good things that have happened, or are going to happen in my life:

1) I have decided to embark on a great new career as a food writer (*applause and wolf-whistles*)....so look forward to reading my work soon!

2) I am going to begin my salsa lessons in earnest on Feb 14!!!! Thus, I would be yet another step closer towards fulfilling the Five-year plan I wrote some months back.

3) I will be going to Bintan in March to chill with some very close friends (i.e. The Bitch Coy)

4) I am organising this coming Wednesday's (15th Feb) special lunch to Tung Lok...pity Brian can't come.

5) I am finally clearing! ORD Loh!

6) My driving licence will come two days after getting my pink i/c. Thank you very much Mr Tester!

7) My Mum's backache is finally easing! I was so worried for her....turns out she did not have a slip disc! The Doctor just said she needed to lose some weight and quit falling asleep while watching Korean DVDS....Thank God.

8) I have acquired a cool new tan...now I only need rock hard-abs and a killer hairdo to be a dropdead gorgeous surfer Greek God. Oh, and I have to figure out how to put on my contacts without the excessive and unnecessary tearing....And if possible grow a few more inches...and lose my squeaky voice...and learn how to surf...and speak Greek.

9) I am starting a food blog! Keep you guys posted!!!

10) I have found God.

2006-01-14T11:36:00.000+08:00

Did I disappoint you or let you down?

Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?

'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,

Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.

So I took what's mine by eternal right.

Took your soul out into the night.

It may be over but it won't stop there,

I am here for you if you'd only care.

You touched my heart you touched my soul.

You changed my life and all my goals.

And love is blind and that I knew when,

My heart was blinded by you.

I've kissed your lips and held your head.

Shared your dreams and shared your bed.

I know you well, I know your smell.

I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,

You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.

And as you move on, remember me,

Remember us and all we used to beI've seen you cry,

I've seen you smile.

I've watched you sleeping for a while.

I'd be the father of your child.

I'd spend a lifetime with you.I know your fears and you know mine.

We've had our doubts but now we're fine,

And I love you, I swear that's true.I cannot live without you.

And I still hold your hand in mine.

In mine when I'm asleep.

And I will bare my soul in time,

When I'm kneeling at your feet.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

2006-01-08T21:30:00.000+08:00

TaKeN oN nYe...I look tired and homesick...haha

2006-01-01T10:33:00.000+08:00

Celebrated NYE with Ken and the rest of the gang last night.

The night started with the shocking revelation that our favourite watering-hole, SIX BAR was closed...It was a painful and disheartening scenario...afterall, where else could we look get free shots after midnight?

We waddled down Boat Quay like a gaggle of surly geese, checking out the sickly rows of lacklustre pubs. Many of these joints were as happening as the River Hongbao was during Christmas...The crowd was subdued and tepid-certainly not two things that would make a NYE celebration great...Even Harry's looked kinda grim and lifeless...Eventually, we decided to sink our weary butts into a dubious-looking establishment called MAD FLEMMINGS BAR...

A dark and ominous sense of foreboding filled my soul the moment I stepped in...My nerves were throbbing with wave upon wave of twitchy alarm signals...My fears that something bad was going to unfold were confirmed the moment the vulpine waitress sashayed over and informed us in a saccherine, yet patronising voice, "You've missed HAPPY HOUR by two minutes, Dah-Lings!"

After reeling in shock for a moment, we decided to place our order anyway...Had a couple of dreadful Bourbon Cokes and a splash of Chivas...Totally unimpressed. Genevieve joined us in this torrid setting around ten-ish, looking a picture...A fine Monet if I may add. On the other hand, the rest of us looked like the screaming face in Munch's Scream...the prices of the finger-food were so exhorbitant, it seemed as if human fingers went into them ( This is a metaphor, so don't be grossed out and feel free to order next time...If you have a thick wallet, that is.) Oh, and the music sucks...The playlist was the illegitimate love-child of Regressive Trance, Shallow House and...urgh...Techno.

We needed a change in environment. Fast.

With thirty minutes to the countdown, we made our way to Clarke Quay for the Mardi Gras...Comparing Boat Quay to Clarke Quay is like comparing Hades to the Elyssium Fields. Suffice to say, the vibes in Clarke Quay were so much better...Human traffic was so much more voluminous, and the whole place was just a hive...checked Attica and nearly got drowned by the overwhelming human tidal wave at MOS...It was like being in the middle of an insane dark swarm...

At midnight, the area was illuminated by bursts of scintillating fire-works....The whole place became a massive dance-floor and everyone boogied to the beats of Outkast, The Black-eyed Peas, PCD and other Gods of the Hip-Hop pantheon...

Next stop was Mohammad Sultan a.k.a BengVille (Pop: 12,658)...The police presence there was overwhelming...and I guess that scared away the crowds, who were probably at MOS anyway. I think NYE to the SPF is what NDP is to the SAF- a chance to show off how garang our uniformed personnel are...Maybe SPF should deploy NPCC people to do crowd control next time, since NCC people are often arrowed to do saikang in NDP.HAHAHA!...At RUsh, I was hoping that I would not run into Justin Soong...Saying Hi to him was not the best way to begin 2006...

After a short break at 7-eleven, we proceeded on our hedonistic Journey To The West. After drifting through a motley assortment of joints, we entered Club ROxy...Guys: 28, Gals: 25...
I thought this was a Club for geriatrics, but the door-bitch was so cute that I really wanted to go and check it out...Isaac, a.k.a Mr Smoothie, managed to talk the bunch of us past the front door, into the plush, liveried elevator and unto the dance floor...Once we entered the dance floor, a guy with a wolf motif on his shirt and an old hippie in a blue floral Hawaiian shirt immediately zoomed in on Gen and Alicia...who were just trying to let their hair down and dance...We formed a largely ineffective protective circle around them ( our galpals, of couse, not the old pervs.)...but wolfie managed to break through and strike a conversation. Suffice to say, he tried to snare a lamb, but was eventually given a sharp kick by a Mountain Goat...Muahaha...

We partied at Roxy until they closed, and then went for a late-late supper at Lau Pa Sat...by then, my stomach was churning with a full-load of Martinis and Bourbons...I politely excused myself, wished everyone Happy '06 and took the bus home...

After spending some time with my head at the rim of the potty, I flopped unto my bed like a carcass and submitted to a drunken slumber...where I dreamed of goats chasing wolves around MS..Haha

2005-12-19T23:02:00.000+08:00

The past few days have flown past in fervid flashes of frantic Christmas shopping and I am dead-sure that I am suffering from the grave malaise known as "Taka Fatigue"...I have been trawling the boutiques for great buys with the alacrity and keenness of a bloodhound in heat...struggling through the hordes of fellow bargain- seekers and dealing with battalions of clueless and rude sales people (there were a few who were absolute gems though, especially those at Marks and Spencer, John Little and Borders.)

Sometimes I wonder why it is so difficult to communicate with these sales people...Do I speak with an odious lisp? No. Am I a compulsive stutterer? No. Is my tongue horrendously short? I don't think so. So why is it the people in the service industry tend to look at me as if I have a chain of Bradwurst sausages stuck down my oesophagus whenever I try to convey my retail needs? Take the following conversation for instance,

Me: Excuse me, do you have ties?

Young Sales girl (tag says "MIMI"): huh? (clueless face, looks at me as if I was from Pluto)

Me: Sorry, I am looking for ties.

MiMi: What?

Me: Ties...you know...this one? ( I gesticulate like a chimp and start putting my clasped hands around my neck- which is starting to pop veins)

MiMi: orh...sorry..out of stock. Here no-have.

Me: What? But I just saw this guy walk out of your store with two ties. Evidently, he was quite happy with his purchase because he was clutching the ties to his chest and smiling to himself.

MiMi (five second pause as this long thread of info travels across her synapses) : orh...i....see. Wait, I call the manager. ( shuffles down the aisle as she seeks someone else to help her with the tremendous burden I have placed on her frail shoulders with my unreasonable requests)

Me: No! No! No! I just need to know where you display your ties!

Too late. Five minutes later, a lugubrious and hirsute ape of heavy proportions ambled right in front of me.

"Sir, is there a problem?"

I realised that his tag just said "Manager"...No name. In my opinion, this unfortunate individual has been dehumanised and reduced to a fawning and servile automaton...What an irony...the tag was more a symbol of slavery instead of the badge of power and authority it was meant to be. I attempted to clarify the situation, but it was hard to communicate with a primate. Eventually, I managed to tell him what I wanted. Incidentally, ties were abundant in the boutique...I swear that the little store room at the back was bursting at its seams with ties...from every land and of every creed.

As I left, MiMi hit me with a snide "say-lah-I-thought-you-looking-for-dog-collar!"...I was flabbergasted and flustered and extremely provoked by the low-class and lousy parting shot...however, I felt that discretion was the better part of valour when dealing with apes and buffoons...so I tried to saunter away with whatever dignity I had left.

Apart from this debacle, there were other unsavoury misadventures involving a motley crew of bestial children (now they were the ones in need of a dog-collar) and some queue-cutting pirates...

On the whole however, I returned with a rich harvest this year, and I thoroughly the hours of retail therapy. Thanks to Stephanie for being my shopping Kaki this holiday season...I still think Coffee Club's Muddy Mud Pie beats NYDC's Irish Cream Mud...Hands down...Oh, and congrats to Michelle for getting married...It was a lovely wedding, if not for a waitress with the manners of a cave-troll...more about this miscreant later.

That's all folks! Happy Holidays to one and all! Except the Manager and MiMi...Muahaha

2005-12-09T21:07:00.000+08:00

My mother is wrapping Xmas presents in her room...I really admire her for her love towards our family. Although she was having a really bad cold, she was willing to shop for presents for everyone...so that nobody would feel left out of the festive joy. I feel really blessed to have such a great mum. In fact, I am also learning how to wrap the prezzies...there is a small mountain of shirts, towels, ties and story-books waiting to be dressed and delivered into the grateful hands of various friends and family members.

Someday I'd love to be as patient and understanding as my Dad and as meticulous as my Mum...Looking back, I realise that I may have good qualities...but I do not think that I have inherited the defining virtues of my parents.

I got an email from Oxford regarding my application...Was admitted into Harris-Manchester College in Oxford...which disqualifies me from the Jardines Scholarship...because this scholarship is only valid if I am accepted into Oriel, Exeter or Trinity College. I am feeling quite disappointed because I tried so hard to get the place and the scholarship. Now I have a place, but no scholarship. Well, life is not always a bed of roses...I'd like to thank everyone who was so supportive and encouraging towards me while I was embarking on this crazy endeavour.

2005-12-04T17:35:00.000+08:00

I've finally finished running the marathon....the whole 42.195 km of it. My legs are hurting so badly it is as if a horde of ravenous crocodiles are eating them.

It was really gratifying and I got very emotional towards the end...because that was when both of my legs started cramping.

2005-12-02T20:14:00.000+08:00

I am now waiting for Jerome's phone call and hoping against hope that I don't have to book in tonight. It has been such a long and tiring week...and I am yearning for a little bit of rest before Sunday's marathon.

*Haiz* ...it seems that the dark and uninviting isle of Pulau Tekong has not changed since the last time I left its demonic shores. The mosquitoes are as pugnacious as ever...and the sandflies are just as eager to stick their horrid mandibles into the underlying layers of your epidermis.

Ironically, our habour for the whole adventure was a dank and decrepit little house in the middle of a thick morass of primary vegetation...We had voluminous cobwebs for curtains and thick veneers of dust on the floor for house rugs....The house pets were some temperamental wasps and praying mantis....yupz, no sign of any cuddly Jack Russels here. My detachment committed the unforgivable sin of not drawing safari beds...As a result, all of us had to spend three uncomfortable nights with the floor as our bed.

The exercise was fairly uneventful...but I did manage to learn a few things. Firstly, the new S3 is a super-nice officer...and secondly, 622 SIR is a horrid place to do your ICT in...

k, 'nuff said about the Tekong Ex, lest some jealous co-worker reports my name to higher authorities and I get charged for divulging SAF's secrets...haha. Actually, the best-kept secret of the SAF is a roti prata stall...but my lips are sealed and I am not going to say which camp's canteen the sacred stall is located in..haha

Went for the second round of Jardine's Scholarship Interview today...Totally burnt by the interviewers...was at a total loss when asked what aspect of the Singaporean Legal System I would like to change and why...I was being really contradictory about the things that I said and I kept on repeating my points...worse, I realise that I have the habit of stuttering when confronted by a pair of beautiful women...It was so intimidating...they were so urbane and classy that I could not help but feel small...and both of them were taller than me...The third interviewer was the matronly Miss Loh...a roly-poly kind of woman who was infinitely less intimidating than the other two.

I really hope that some wild miracle takes place and I make it to round three...Gotta close my eyes and pray very hard now...will you pray for me? More people more effective mah! hahaha

2005-11-27T17:09:00.000+08:00

I'm currently feeling out-of-sync with reality.

Everything seems so distant and detached. I am part of the audience in the matinee of my life...and not the lead actor that I am supposed to be. Days pass and night falls...and time goes by without me becoming any stronger and wiser... I spend an eternity lost in a labyrinth of my memories...where the ghosts of the past return to haunt me and demons lurk under forgotten trapdoors...

I try to move on. To flee. From the dark clouds that gather in my heart.

Time and again, I fail...and my sense of hopelessness mounts in intensity at each turn.

People say that all I need is a good break away from everything...a sojourn to escape from the rabid attention of the lupine crowds. I am not so foolish to take them at their word...

...because I know.

I know that the sadness that fills me has its source buried deep within. I am just very tired of everything and everyone now...and it makes me so guilty to know that the ones whom I snap at in my self-inflicted malaise are the ones who care about me the most. At work I am silent and mechanical...I go through the motions like an automaton...In fact, I laugh sometimes. Isn't it ironic that my job requires me to act as nothing more than a machine?

Everyday comes and goes like a black and white movie. Sometimes days pass without me being conscious of their passage...but most of the time, I am aware...and I feel that time seems so long and dark. When people laugh, I twist my mouth into a reluctant half-smile...just to show them that there is still a little bit of humanity within me. When the people ask me how I am, I reply with silence at first...and then the perfunctory " it's ok. I am fine."

...but I am not fine. I am confused. I am lost. I am afraid. and I want all this to end...

___________________________________________________________________

2005-11-12T19:20:00.000+08:00

Recovering from a hectic Saturday.

Went for a run this morning...the morning air was perfectly still and serene. Hillocks of pearl-coloured clouds diffused the carmine and vermillion rays of sunshine. The effect was simply breathtaking-a beautiful grey-sky morning.

We had guests in the afternoon so I had to prepare for their arrival. A group of lovely, bubbly young ladies were coming over for lunch and to watch some movies. It was my first time meeting this particular group of my sisters' friends, so I was looking forward to being a good host. Lunch would be fish and frozen potato wedges (which had to be defrosted and baked), toast with herb and garlic butter, canned cream-of-chicken, fresh fruit and jelly cocktail. Oh, and vinegared tomatoes with syrup. Preparing for lunch resulted in a series of kitchen capers...but since I am quite tired of writing about my clumsiness and incompetence, this entry will be about what went right.

I enjoyed lunch tremendously...because all the items in the menu were my favourite food. I did not want to look like a ravenous piranha at the dining table, so I only pinched a few bites here and there...but I did help myself to a flaky and tender piece of fish after I had washed the dishes...It was heavenly...all coated in a thick batter of self-raising flour and egg...marinated with generous lashings of tart lemon juice and Mcormick's freeze-dried mixed Italian herbs...and the creamy dollop of Heinz Tartare sauce that I had spooned onto the fish made it even richer and more flavourful! yumz! Too bad I burnt my tongue.

I joined the girls for movies after I had settled the dirty dishes...They were watching the Infernal Affairs trilogy, which I have always found to be brilliant...

Now to other matters...someone whom I am close to is feeling quite depressed and sad lately. I just want to tell her not to worry...and that things have a way of working themselves out...You are a beautiful person and you deserve better than to be filled with so much self-reproach, doubt and fear. Girl, we all have our weak moments....isn't there a song that goes, "even the best fall down sometime..."? but I want you to know that there are people who care for you out there...regardless of how vulnerable or helpless you are feeling.

2005-11-11T23:17:00.000+08:00

I shall never, ever be a drug addict.

I realised this the moment I nearly passed out during the intravenous drip test that I went through yesterday. For the uninformed, this test involves nervous, squeamish young men inserting "otak"stick-sized needles into each others' veins in a process that is largely trial and error. The aim of this sordid business is to hook the casualty onto a makeshift ( I have to remind you of the implications of this word.) life-support system... in the event of a severe combat injury ( e.g. a broken skull caused by a meteorite shower of durians.)

Anyway, my partner was Seth, a protein-shake junkie and gym animal...and also one of my best buddies. Under the veneers of false bravado and self-assured machismo were two nervous wrecks...Neither of us had any idea how to do this thing without suffering dramatic fainting spells.

I have always entertained the notion that pain tests the bonds of friendship better than anything else. As I knelt beside my fallen buddy (he was supposed to be suffering from a ripped abdomen), I am now a firm believer in the veracity of this notion.

Marbles of perspiration formed around my tense brow as my quivering fingers sought Seth's veins. To be frank, the veins were very prominent....Due to long hours spent pumping iron, Seth's veins were succulent, voluptous and juicy-much like a rare filet mignon steak. I closed my eyes and let fate guide my wavering hand...

...and was royally screwed by the staff sergeant conducting the test. "Oiii! Ah ni kuan mana eh sai? (lit. How can you do it like this?)" I was too kancheong and had poked Seth's muscle instead of his vein...I was blithely unaware until I inadvertently caught a glimpse of Seth's face...which was involuntarily twitching in spasms...I swear I saw a fat tear roll down his jerking cheeks...just as his mouth was contorted into a silent scream...His facial expression brought to mind only one word, which I am sure Seth would have shrieked if he could somehow find his collapsed voice-" MAMA!!!"

I mumbled an apology and tried to remove the offending object from my ailing friend's flesh...but I met quite a lot of inertia as his muscles were so stiff...In retrospect, It was a darkly comical scenario...with me pushing and pulling the syringe like a fiddler struggling with a disobedient violin string.

When we switched places, things took a turn for the worse. After the traumatic experience, Seth had lost whatever scraps of confidence that he had. Worse, he had no idea how to tape on the plastic thingies...so I was left on the bench leaking blood like a faulty tap after Seth stabbed the wrong vein...By now, the staff sergeant was absolutely resigned to the fact that both of us were not destined to be acupuncturists. I was made a medical scapegoat as he used me to show the others what veinous bleeding was ( i.e. spurts of blood)...some joker even brought out his videocam...

On a much lighter note, I managed to catch Just Like Heaven yeasterday...a sweet and funny romantic comedy...A real treat for fans of Reese Witherspoon.

Currently reading Trithy Umbriger's 'Bombay Time'... simply brilliant.

2005-11-06T19:18:00.000+08:00

Sunday morning started with a horrid monsoonal rain...The kind of rain that makes you hate waking up and going out. The kind of rain that makes it seem as if the sky had gastric flu and is furiously purging its vast cloudy bowels.

Unfortunately, I had a mission to accomplish today...I was going to attempt a 30 km jog in preperation for the Stand-Chart next month...I hit East Coast Park with Dad in the wee hours of the morning....we waited in the car for an eternity, vacillating between our decision to start the run or return to our warm and cosy lodgings...In the end, we succumbed to our fear of the elements, and went home. What a bummer.

On the journey home, the mood was black... mirroring the dark and dire weather conditions. It did not help that a jocund falsetto was crooning "Raindrops Are Falling On My Head" on the car stereo...with much aplomb, if i may add. I've never heard a more mocking rendition. What an irony.

When we finally got home, Mum screamed at us...making our already pitiful situation even worse. At that point of time, I just wanted to run away from it all.

Which I did.

I ended up in Upper Pierce Reservoir, some 15km away from my house.

I thoroughly enjoyed a run and returned home revitalised and rejuvenated... to my Mum's chagrin and consternation. I was chaffed for running away from home...I never expected such a violent backlash from my little act of disobedience...I mean, it's not as if my drunken form was found in some back alley (touch wood)....right? And isn't the government constantly promoting a healthy lifestyle? What's wrong with me going for a short morning jog around my quaint and quiet neighbourhood (i.e. Singapore)? I never expected that my first time running away from home would lead to such unfortunate circumstances (Note to all angsty teenaged Goth-punk rebel wannabes: Never run away in the way I did...It's totally unglam and leads to an unnecessary furore at home.)

Fortunately, Mother, being the kind, magnanimous and compassionate Dear (Hi Mum! Hope you like this description) that she is, forgave me and allowed me to return to her caring and nurturing bosom after I had repented and decried my unholy and shameful personal behaviour.

Ah, it's a great feeling to be loved and forgiven by your Mother!

Now to other issues...Oops, I did it again. I admit...I'm sorry if the things I've said made you feel the way you do....I just want to enjoy the time that we spend together...That's it. And even though I'm say playful and provocative things sometimes, please don't get the wrong idea. I hope you understand...ya.

Met Sam, Roys, Celia and the rest over the holiday season...Thoroughly relished the delicious food at Siti's...It was a great afternoon. *burpz*

On Love, Money and Career

2005-11-05T20:20:00.000+08:00

I've had some time to think about my future lately. I'm glad to say that I have emerged much wiser from the contemplation and reflection. I believe that a person's past shapes his future. The experiences and hopes, strengths and vulnerabilities that a person possess at some point of his life, determine his destiny. Here are my thoughts on some relevant issues in my life:

On Love

Love is beautiful because it inspires you to be more than you can be. It teaches you the beauty of self-sacrifice and giving. Love reminds you to take time to smell the Roses...to cherish who ever God has blessed you with...to gain a deeper understanding into the character of two different people (your partner and yourself). Being in love means that you have a little hearth in your heart no matter how violent the storm outside is. It means that you have a reason to wake up in the morning. Love and being loved imbue life with meaning and enrich it with many beautiful and priceless moments...you become strong when you are loved...simply because you don't want to let down those who have placed their hopes in you...Every moment spent loving is a step closer to Heaven...Afterall, what can be purer and more noble than having someone to love?

On Money

My philosophy towards money is, " Make your money work for you"...Gone are the good old days when putting money in a fixed-deposit account would ensure that you would not starve upon retirement. Increasingly, low bank interest rates and ever-rising inflation have dramatically led to the decline in the appeal of fixed-deposit accounts as an instrument to build a nest egg. With the coming of age of Singapore as an international financial hub, there has been an influx of financial products and services. Low risk tolerance? No problem, just buy bonds. Narrow time horizon? Go for REITS. Want a little bit of everything? Then start doing homework on mutual funds and Investment-linked Insurance Policies...After thinking through, I am convinced that my ideal investment portfolio would have the following characteristics:

1) Diversity

In order to reduce the risk of market volatility, I would place my money in a variety of avenues as opposed to just one avenue (eg. equity). This softens the impact if a market crash occurs. I would also be less affected by the vissicitudes of the various markets for financial products. As I have a wide time horizon, I can afford to put more money in annuity schemes and bonds that take a longer time to mature. I have relatively few financial commitments as of now. Therefore, I am not in debt. I can afford to invest more money without fear that I would be unable to service my debts. In this sense, I am less sensitive to large changes in the markets. In a way, my risk tolerance is relatively high.

Diversification is the way to go as I do not believe in being overeliant on any one asset class. Even in the same class of assets, I would devote different proportions of my income to different sub-classes. For instance, a proportionately larger investment in growth stocks as opposed to income stocks. This is because growth stocks have the potential to rise in value, but the value of income stocks is unlikely to rise. Moreover, dividends from income stocks are taxed, but the capital gains from growth stocks are not taxed.

2) Quality

It is useless to have a diversified portfolio if the various funds, stocks and bonds are of low quality. As such, I would do a thorough cost-benefit analysis before purchase. Factors to consider would be potential of the company to grow, future value of earnings per share, current value of the stock and strength of the management. As for bonds, I would have to consider the relationship between the interest rate climate and its impact on the value of the bond. Ideally, I would love to invest in blue-chip stocks and gilt-edged securities. However, the costs of these products will be beyond my means for some time to come.

3) For The Long Term

The stock market rises and falls following decisions driven by greed and fear.
Investing for the long term means that you avoid speculative risks and are less likely to put your money where prevailing market sentiment lies. Doing so could be dangerous because you expose yourself to market volatility.

Assets And Liabilities

Although there are temptations aplenty in today's world, I strongly hope that I can be prudent and avoid overspending or accumulating massive credit card debts. I aim to develop a firm understanding on what constitutes and asset and a liability. For instance, a car is a liability at my stage of life because of high purchase and maintainence costs, not to mention tax and depreciation. In addition, the opportunity cost of purchasing a car is money that could have been spent on investing in other assets.

My Career

I want to practise Corporate or Criminal Law. I want to play a part in upholding corporate governance, justice and transparency in Singapore. I chose to study Law because a legal education trains me to think critically about issues...I was an Arts student, but Law is a much more compelling subject because it requires the highest order thinking skills-evaluation and decision-making...I seek to let my passion and enthusiasm for the subject to manifest itself in every assignment, every assesment and every obstacle. Whatever it takes, I am in this for the long haul.

Someday, I hope to write and teach as well. I want to share my life's experiences with society. I want to be someone whose opinions are valued and respected. I want to be an inspiration to generation upon generation of poets and artists. All of us will die one day. But before I go, I want to leave a body of work that enriches the society that I once lived in.

2005-11-02T15:30:00.000+08:00

A gastronomic orgy....steamboat with my platoon...and some keh-le-feh people from the other platoons...Mum-mum time!

2005-11-02T15:27:00.000+08:00

Me AnD MiKe'S kId, OwEn...

2005-10-30T21:19:00.000+08:00

What a hectic week.

Spent the whole Monday at the Nee Soon IMT honing my shooting skills.

On Tuesday, we spent the afternoon filming HOT NALA's Farewell Video. The contents of the video are top secret...all I can say is this-the actors had to groove and boogie alot. Oh, and all of us got sunburnt in the process of filming the vid.

Wednesday was Clean-Arms Day...I can't think of anything interesting to say about the world's most tedious activity.

My company conducted Range on Thursday...which means we had to wake up early and return to our warm and cosy beds late at night. Well, I have to say that my last Range as an NSF was a pretty good experience. Morale was high and everyone was joking about getting Marksman. Well, I actually enjoyed the shooting part...but not the part where we need to clean our rifles. I got my Marksman Badge...which is something I am proud of. Oh, and I managed to bag two OFF days from HOT NALA and some cool cash as well. Praise The Lord!

On Friday, I was part of the Advance Party for the First-Year shooters...That meant that I had to wake up even earlier and return to camp even later than the shooters...Well, someone had to do the job la.

I thought that Friday would mark the end of a busy week...but I was so wrong! I was sucked into the saikang vortex again on Saturday when I had to help out at a formal state function. Initially, only the Regular Specialists were tasked to help out...but I had to replace my Platoon Sergeant because he did not have the required attire to do Saikang. The event organisers decided that only white long-sleeved shirts, flat black trousers and proper footwear (i.e. leather shoes for guys and court shoes for ladies) were allowed in the Ballroom.

Oh well...I guess it's now time for me to kick back and relax a little...it has been such a loooong week.

Sundays

2005-10-23T10:47:00.000+08:00

Ah! Give me slow Sunday mornings...

That I may smell the Roses

and taste the calm and still

with the palate of my heart.

Let me feel time stop;

as I greet a passing cloud

and salute

the sprightly sparrow.

Do not deny me

of my day of rest,

When I slow my step

to look into the mirror.

I deserve this day!

A beautiful day to dance

with my best friends-

the carafe and the pen.

2005-10-21T21:32:00.000+08:00

Went for the interview today...

Well I guess it was not as traumatic as I had envisioned it to be. I had expected to have my puny ego pan-seared by some crusty old prune from Oxford. Would there be anything left of me after some demonic Provost concludes his intense interrogation? Would my intellect be dissected and char-grilled? Would my pride be whipped into creme brulee?

Fortunately, no.

My interviewer was the young, charming and attractive Dr. Katrina G. She made me feel at ease the moment I entered the interview room. Her smile was feminine and pristine. Her manner, demure yet intellectual. Her eyes seemed to be having a playful conversation with my heart. There was something intense and untameable in her striking Nordic features...In her past life, she was probably a Russian Tzarina who revelled in riding across the vast steppes....On a wild black stallion, I am sure.

Anyway, the interview component was rather ho-hum...some stuff about some obscure act in the US that prohibits people from possessing imitation firearms....Some wacko robbed his ex-employer with his fingers stuck into his zipped-up jacket and the court was deciding whether to charge him for that...Those who oppose claim that he can't be charged because a finger is not an imitation weapon....

I say! "whatever la...."

When you've got a Russian Tzarina in the same room as you, you probably won't think so much about wackos with childish tendencies.

2005-10-20T22:15:00.000+08:00

Finally got discharged from the icky Mandai Hill Med Centre...one of the worst places to be in the world.

The nauseating stench of Dettol will be eternally lodged in my memory...I don't think I'll be able to forget the stone-faced medics and the dreadful silence either. I felt like I was entombed in some subterranean mausoleum...so creepy...Ironically, resting in peace is the last thing you'd be able to do here...especially with hordes of nameless, shapeless figures shuffling furtively up and down the dimly-lit corridors...Brrr...

Well, at least we managed to catch some movies in the DVD room within the three nights that we were there...I was not expecting anything of Palm D'or calibre, but the movies we watched would put WaterWorld to shame...For instance, a soft-porn version of Lady White Snake, starring a pre-fame Maggie Cheung...the movie was really the pits! Not to mention the astoundingly inane and banal Club Dread ( a soft-porn parody of a teen slasher flick)...It's no wonder that our condition did not improve...if anything, seeing so many heaving bosoms aggravated our sore eyes! Please! For the sake of your own sanity, stay away from these two movies!

Going for the oxford interview tommorrow...haha, even my encik wished me good luck! I wonder what it's going to be like...not too bad I hope...I am determined to give my ultimate best! It wasn't easy to get a slot for this interview you know.

Alright guys, wish me luck!

Coffee, Time Travel...and a touch of Angel Dust...

2005-10-16T19:57:00.000+08:00

Not a bad weekend.

Had a great time chilling in bed and drinking lots of coffee...My friends tell me that I am not a person...I am simply a machine that transforms caffeine into lingering, wistful verses and astute observations on people. I love the stuff...it's almost like manna to my soul. I just can't live without my daily dose of the pungent ambrosia..Without my daily cuppas, I feel as weak as a dehydrated starvation artist...and I start to see neon-pink cups of mocha sparkling in front of me.

But enough about my caffeine fixation...I am far behind my training schedule for the Stand-Chart...Really got to start focussing...it's time to increase training tempo and intensity...can't just lounge around like a sea cucumber and hope for miracles to happen on the day of the event...I've got to start building up my endurance and stamina...Gambatte!

Read 'The Eyre Affair' by Jasper FForde...A rather humurous book with numerous references to a coterie of literary characters...Rather surreal in the sense that reality and visions overlap from time to time...In a sense, the book is organised chaos because events don't seem to flow linearly ( The Heroines' daddy happens to be a time-travelling rogue military officer)...Suspension of Disbelief quite widely used...A fairly entertaining read.

Went out with her last night...She was beautiful, as usual...and I felt really blessed to have her with me. Sometimes, being with her just brings me to a much safer place...a place where I don't have to deal with family disputes, vacillating emotions, uncertainty and confusion...When I am with her, I just want to see her smile...I just want to be there for her and to make her feel special...It's totally amazing how she breaks down all the artificial barriers that I have erected against humanity...I can be the ultimate sulkface for one whole week...but the moment I'm with her I feel like it's my responsibility to make her laugh...Ironic, no?

Could there really be Angels in our midst? Sometimes I feel that one of them is with me now...

Seeing her makes me feel as happy as a child on Christmas morning...I'm full of anticipation and joy...yet there is so much latent trepidation and uncertainty...I am perpetually afraid of hurting her in my speech and actions...yet when I am with her, I speak and act so freely that I surprise myself...In a sense, she frees me from the inner prison that I have constructed with my own fears and insecurities...I become much less self-conscious and so much more willing to take things easily...All the accumulated tensions seem to melt away...and I am at peace with myself...finally.

Mental note to self: Time to hit the gym; focus on Deltoids and pecs this week! Gotta get great shoulders fast!

2005-10-14T22:16:00.000+08:00

Swept away by

the winds of

elation...

Flung too soon

into the dark;

with no warning.

I'm too temperamental...I know.

The chains within-

they have no key.

I can't escape!

I am the victim

of my own

implosive impulses.

but it's really difficult for me to change...especially since I am so used to being controlled by my emotions. Sometimes I feel like the slave of my demons...and when I am struggling in the darkness, I can't pull myself out.

Hold my hand.

Whisper warm words

into my hungry heart.

Leave a part

of you within me

before you fly.

That's why I need you to tell me that things are going to be ok...and even if they are not, I want you to tell me that you'll be here with me when I brave my tempests...

Without you,

I lose myself

in the cold

mountains of

Solitude

And I drown

in my bitter mire

of silence.

I know that it's hard to read my mind. I've never been easy to please...but if you give up on me, I don't know where else I can find Hope.

Be with me

Give me wings.

so I can soar with you...

The Angel

of my Heaven.

Please don't let me walk alone.

Random Thoughts

2005-10-12T14:58:00.000+08:00

I've just finished the LNAT.

The first major examination in a very, very long time...

For those unfamiliar with the term, LNAT stands for Law National Aptitude Test ( I think la). It is a mandatory examination that all UK-LAW hopefuls have to take if they want to secure a place in a UK University reading Law. It is supposed to gauge your "powers of discrimination" and "how well you can hold a particular position".

Taking the test was an extremely humbling experience. I don't pride myself as a meticulous person who has "fine grained" powers of discrimination...so the comprehension passages were a killer...This is far worse than the SAT...Imagine...all the five options in the answer have an element of truth...but in which option is this element strongest? Which is the best answer? Sometimes, it's really difficult to draw a conclusion...The essay was not easy either...4 of the 5 options were on subjects that I had almost zero knowledge or interest in...Fortunately, the last one was manageable...

Ok...enough about the LNAT...Recently, I've realised that people around me are giving very negative vibes ...I'm not talking about the people in camp...but the other people in my life...I guess it's the stress of the exam period...but I do hope that they can share their problems with me; instead of just lashing out and then hastily apologising.

2005-09-29T23:34:00.000+08:00

When I look into your eyes,

I see an eternity of crimson sunsets.

But before I lose myself

in your primal beauty...

My heart reminds me of

the coming darkness.

An eternity of crimson sunsets

May be beautiful...

but it is but the herald

of an eternity of painful nights.

唯一

2005-09-26T11:30:00.000+08:00

我的天空多麼的清新
透明的承諾是過去的空氣
牽著我的手是你
但你的笑容　卻看不清

是否一顆星星變了心
從前的願望　你全都給拋棄
最近我無法呼吸連自己的影子
都想逃避　〔逃避〕

BABY　妳就是我的唯一
兩個世界都變形　
回去談何容易
確定　妳就是我的唯一
獨自對著電話說我愛你　我真的愛你
BABY　我已不能多愛你一些

其實早已超過了愛的極限

2005-09-25T11:08:00.000+08:00

At Indochine with the giant Cosmo...note my shagged face and eyebags...the result of XDC!

2005-09-25T10:32:00.000+08:00

Finally, I'm back at SG after an intense stretch of overseas exercises ...It's great to be back home...just breathing the beautiful Singaporean air is intoxicating enough for my tired lungs...haha...

I guess it's time to kick back my boots and spend some time with the people that matter most in my life...spending so much time away from home really makes you treasure your loved ones more...I really missed some people whom I have previously taken for granted...Anyway, this period of time away from home really showed me the truth behind the words "absence makes the heart grow fonder"...

I'm glad that I can look back and say that it was a job well done...I guess the exercise was a wonderful learning experience...and that I've walked away with many great memories...For instance, this was the first time my vehicle accumalator caught fire...It was a potentially life-threatening situation because there was a diesel generator in front of it...had the fire not been put out in time, even the people in Malaysia would have been able to see the resultant explosion! Thankfully, everyone in the vehicle pitched in to save their own lives...S3 and the Medical Officer were furiously(but to not much effect) smothering the flame with their field packs...the driver panicked and swerved...and the warrant officer nearly succeeded in emptying a can of green paint on the flames..haha

On an even lighter note, I met her last night...went to Indochine for Martinis...it seems like so long since I last saw her...but it has only been a week...kinda missed her more than I thought I would...ya, and we had a great time, despite the glum waiters and lousy lighting...haha

2005-09-12T21:48:00.000+08:00

my buddy and I in Taiwan...

2005-09-12T09:54:00.000+08:00

海闊天空

今天我　寒夜裡看雪飄過

懷著冷卻了的心窩漂遠方

風雨裡追趕　霧裡分不清影蹤

天空海闊你與我　可會變〔誰沒在變〕

多少次　迎著冷眼與嘲笑

從沒有放棄過心中的理想

一剎那恍惚　若有所失的感覺

不知不覺已變淡　心裡愛〔誰明白我〕

原諒我這一生不羈放縱愛自由

也會怕有一天會跌倒

背棄了理想　誰人都可以

那會怕有一天只你共我

仍然自由自我　永遠高唱我歌　走遍千里...

背棄了理想　誰人都可以

那會怕有一天只你共我

2005-08-23T17:35:00.000+08:00

Can you believe it?

I 've applied to go and study in Oxford!

Ok...before all who are reading this fall off their chairs in laughter, I must clarify one point...it was actually my dad who got the forms from the British Council, spoke to the people there and completed the registration...I merely signed the form and filled up the section entitled 'ABOUT YOURSELF'...

I know, I know...the whole world is going to rise forth and yell at me for not taking charge of my own learning.

But to be frank, studying overseas has not exactly been at the front of my mind...I was already hyper-elated to be accepted to NUS LAW...I mean, it's like the ultimate dream come through. However, my dad believes that an overseas education (especially in the United Kingdom) brings benefits that a local Uni education can't provide...

I don't object, but realistically speaking, it is very difficult for me to get admitted into any college in OXCAM...Oriel College for instance, only accepts 6 LAW students a year...The chances of me getting in is even less then getting a Golden Ticket if my name is not Charlie...

Well, my dad remains hopeful and optimistic though. He seems to be super-enthusiastic about sending me overseas...For the past few days, it's as if God has breathed new life into his veins...His eyes light up like fireworks when we start talking about Oxford...And he has been assiduously doing my "homework" for me. I'd hate to disappoint him...and I don't think it's right to show my pessimism (or is it realism?) in front of him...Having said that, I appreciate his efforts deeply...

I thought that the whole business of uni interviews would be over by May last year...but I'm wrong! The Application process for Oxford is so tedious! You have to apply to Oxford first...and then to a board called the UCAS...You need to attend interviews in two countries and you need a referees' letter! All these on top of excellent grades and good CCA record! Oh, and LAW applicants have to seat for a LAW NATIONAL APTITUDE TEST!!! I've spent the whole day reading the Prospecti of the various colleges and filling up the yards of forms....I even have to bother my poor ex-form teacher to be my referee...and going overseas really shortens the time I have to do admin...

Anyway, I just hope that God will bless my efforts...I'm going to give Oxford my best shot...

Maybe what Paulo Cohello said is true...maybe when you have a dream...all the forces in the universe conspire to make your dream come true...

God...please make my poor Dad's dream come true...

2005-08-19T22:09:00.000+08:00

I saw her at the train station.

She was reading...a picture of perfect poise and serenity.

Life is funny sometimes...When you are thinking of someone all the time, what goes on in your mind is quite fantastical...

You think about what you want to tell her when you actually meet...

Going through the motions in your head, you visualise and imagine what you'd do if you really see her again...

And yet when you finally see the person who has been on your mind all this time, you are unable to react accordingly...and you may even be at a loss for words.

I know...because I've experienced it today.

For the longest time, I've been thinking of someone...an Angel from the past...the light that fills me in my darkest moments...Many times, I am simply overwhelmed by a deluge of emotion when the memories come back to me...When life was as empty as a vacuum, the times that we spent together gave me strength and hope...

I guess I'm just very, very happy to see that she is well...and that she's doing ok in school and stuff...I've always prayed for her to be blessed and protected...and to have beauty and peace follow her wherever she goes...In a sense, seeing her today seems to be the strongest affirmation of this prayer.

When she came to talk to me, I felt really blessed...She really melted me...and I really felt something pure and warm coming from deep inside my heart. I've hurt her in the past...yet she spoke to me as if all the crazy things that I've done to her never took place...for that, I am grateful and moved.

I believe in Providence...What happens after today, I shall leave it to fate. If destiny dictates that our paths shall cross again, I'd be really happy.

If not, she is always on my mind...and I will continue doing what I have been doing for the longest time...Thinking of her...Missing her...

and praying that she will be blessed.

2005-08-19T11:15:00.000+08:00

getting my flags

2005-08-14T20:43:00.000+08:00

Bubble,bubble...toil and trouble...haha

2005-08-14T20:09:00.000+08:00

Went for coffee with Mr Tham and Lydia today...It was great seeing them again.

I really miss the days when we were still relatively close to each other and spent more time together. I guess I'm really lucky to be able to have great people to share my life with...

We had a great time talking about the events in our life, the people we have met and the places we have been to recently...Of course, I had a great time discussing the books I read with Mr Tham...He reads so widely...He's really remarkable...I must really check out some books he is reading...

Haha... I had the chance to try the legendary Blue Mountain Coffee...It's a Premium blend of gourmet coffee from the Blue Mountain Range of Jamaica...I found it to be an intense and aromatic blend...It has a rather spicy bouquet and is not as sharp as Kenyan AA...but it has a very distinctive "roasted" flavour...According to a coffee connoiseurs' guide, it allegedly exudes "sandalwood and ivory" aromas...both of which my nose failed to detect...I enjoyed the full-bodied nature of the brew...and the piquant after-taste simply lingers on your palate for hours at end...I'd liken it to a mature Bordeaux...in the sense that both are strong and robust...with a very pronounced finish.

After coffee, we went to a bookshop were one of Mr Tham's friends was working. He introduced us to Rachel, who has an encyclopediac knowledge of books. Lydia and I were simply blown away by her...She has this uncanny knack of profiling people according to their tastes in books...Incidentally, Rachel and I share the same literature teacher...I think Miss Lim would be so, so proud...haha

It was a great afternoon and I was sad to part with them...but I am eagerly looking forward to seeing them again!

5 books I have to read:

1) Martin Luther King's Memoirs

2)Haruki Murakami's "Kafka On The Shore"

3)Dostoyevsky's "The Idiot"

4)The Motorcycle Diaries (will start after "Brothers K.")

5) Yoshimoto's "Lizard"

2005-08-14T20:08:00.000+08:00

The apparatus they use to brew the Blue Mountain...