Today's Disease

These days i'm feeling more and more edgy and high-strung.

I don't know why.

I'm not sure if it's the increased training tempo in camp...but the tension in me is getting more pronounced each passing day. I am lost in my dark hive of chaotic thoughts and childish insecurities. I'm so irrational and neurotic these days that I scare the people around me.

Admittedly, I've never been the most sanguine guy in the world.

In the past, I used to be prone to emotional extremities...My mood was constantly vacillating between the peaks of fear and elation....I could know no moderation because I was a person who possessed a very intense spirit.

I'd like to think that I've mellowed in the past couple of years...However, my recent behaviour seems to prove otherwise...These days, I snap at people easily and I'm becoming even more impatient and impetous...I am constantly irritable and I think I've somewhat alienated myself from the people who are dearest to me...The fact that I can't place a finger on my current situation compounds my sense of frustration and makes me even more confused!

I've received all kinds of advice on how to deal with my current ailment...

The Bohemians tell me to "go with the flow..."
The fighters tell me to "get over it...don't let yourself become weak".
The poetic tell me that Ernest Hemingway suffered just as I did...
The pious tell me to pray for a sign...
The Hedonists want me to drown my sorrows with them...
The elder generation can't hear my voice

I can't seem to concentrate on my work...Everything seems to be just a matter of going through the motion...My relationship with my colleagues seems to be getting more strained because I alternate between temperamental outbursts and periods of implosive, passive silence...Everyone wants to know what's eating me these days...

Honestly, I don't know.

Maybe it's just a passing phase...a part of growing up...maybe it's really the hectic training schedule...Maybe it's some hormonal imbalance?

Maybe it's time to see a Shrink...