Feeling frazzled today...

N. is getting clingy these days...VERY CLINGY!

I get unsolicited phone calls and smses with the corniest lines imaginable...I get asked out at odd hours to far-flung locations "to hang out", "chill" and "talk about life"...

Here's a sample convo that really took place recently:

*Ring Ring*

Me: Hullo?

N. : Hey Nixie! Can you come to XXXX beach now?

Me: No. I'm on my way home.

N. : Oh...Ok...It's...It's just that I am lonely now and feel like talking to someone...~whimpers like an abused rabbit~

Me: Go and play with the starfish lar...( Please lor! You think I'll fly down to XXXX beach meh? I fell for this trick too many times liao la!)

N. : HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! You are so funny!!!! ( I'm sure that the people in Pahang could hear her maniacal laughter...I know it's 06/06/06...but can you please don't laugh like that? I'm sure your laughter scares even He-whose-name-we-shall-not-mention back to hell...)

Me: Thanks for asking...I'm really busy these days...sorry.

N. : Busy with?

Me: erm...nothing...

N. : We've known each other for two whole weeks! We're not the (sic) strangers that we used to be! I think I know you well enough to consider you my friend...(Are you sure? Are you Reeeeally sure? Then what was my nickname in Primary school? What's my favourite Gelato flavour? Who was my first crush? When did I pass out from BMT? What was my PSLE score? How did my parents choose my name? Can't answer right? HA!!! I gotcha!)

Me: It's not that...I'm just really busy. Thanks for asking. Next time don't bother to ask la...

N. : Can I meet you at SG Coffee Bean on Wed? (Why are some people so dense?)

Me: See how lor ( Ahhhhh...A nice evasive answer!)

Haiz...I rue the day I introduced myself to N. at a downtown nightspot...

I was playful and she was young...I was bored and she was lonely...I had one martini too much and she was wearing too little...

At this point, I have to say that N. is not a cantankerous baboon with halitosis and Maggi mee hair...In fact, she is tanned, slim and fresh-faced...really young and vivacious...Quite pretty in a Lolita (not lollipop) kinda way... quite a few of the fat, balding office minions at the bar that night hit on her...but it was my number she wanted...

Careful not to let this little ego boost marr my better judgment, I gave her a fake number...However, some unfortunate events caused my real hp number to fall into her little hands...the rest, as they say, is history...

I can't think of any reasons why she bugs me so incessantly...I've come up with a list of frightening possibilities though:

1) She is a malignant Alien Queen who needs a mate to reproduce. Shudder as she releases her insatiable brood from her alien womb to devour all matter on Earth! If this is true, I hope she saves some pizza for me.

2) She is an abandoned android craving warmth and affection from humanity.

3) She is mad and believes herself to be a spy seducing me for state secrets.

4) She is a femme fatale hired by a mafia don whose secrets I have somehow stumbled upon.

5) She is a struggling novelist/ poetess who is suffering from writer's block and sees me as a muse.

6) She is a vampire who needs the blood of one more virgin( no prizes for guessing who) to be able to walk in sunlight.

7) She just got ditched/rejected and is looking for a substitute male to prove her worth/spite her ex/fill the emotional vacuum in her life.

8) A voodoo shaman did something funny with my fingernail clippings. This sordid act of dark Juju magic caused my fate to cross with N.'s

9) She came from a broken home and sees in me the father she never had...

and the scariest one...

10) My mum hired her from a P.I. agency to check if Nicky is naughty...When the time is ripe and evidence is gathered, she would reveal my misdemeanours to my mum! And then it would be curtains for me!

Haiz...whatever it is...she is getting irritating...Tommorrow I shall put my foot firmly to the ground and tell her to stop this...Stop calling me at night...stop asking me to go here and there...stop asking me "how's my day?" six or seven times in a day...stop smsing me and asking me what I am doing now. Stop! Stop! Stop!

But what if she cries?