"Some people come into our lives, and we are never the same again."~a line on my old coffee mug

Dinner last night was a pleasant experience. It was simply wonderful meeting some old friends and sharing a meal with them at Pizza Hut.

Many people come into my life. I have had my share of shallow and superficial friendships. Often, I have found myself questioning the worth of such relationships. Lately, I have been trying to figure out how to define the term "friend". After all, it seems that so many of the people whom I consider to be friends are little more than casual acquaintances whom I go out with for drinks or dinner once in awhile.

It's nice to watch my friends grow up.

Our class clown is now an aspiring teacher...majoring in English somemore! I wonder what Miss Daljit would say...but then, she always knew that Sam had what it takes to win in life.

Mr. Laid-back is pursuing a Journalism degree in The States...while working towards a lower golf handicap! Royston says he wants to work for ESPN someday...I'm sure his passion will take him the whole nine yards.

The girls are aiming for the stars, working towards careers in the financial sector or the civil service. Lydia hopes to be involved in social work and Ling Fang wants to groom herself as a Chinese broadcast journalist.

As for Mr Tham, I guess his dream would be to be present at Anfield and witness Liverpool trash Man U in the EPL final....by a score of at least 4-0.

And what about me?

I don't know.

I guess I have not really been thinking of what I want to do. When people ask, I usually say that I want to be a criminal litigator...but what do I know about criminal litigation? Close to nothing.

I know that criminal litigators generally have pendulous mood swings and punishing work schedules. I know that criminal litigators are hired to defend rapists, murderers and child molestors in court. I know that many criminal litigator usually quit criminal litigation out of a sense of frustration and because they are so sick of selling their souls.

And yet this is what I tell people I want to be. Why can't I find something within me that would drive me to use my attributes for the good of society? Am I so lost and confused that I choose a career path solely because of my misguided thinking? Sadly, I think I am.

But it is never too late to have a change of heart.

I must open my heart and learn to love. I must stop deceiving myself and other people through my well-disguised words and thoughts. I must learn to embrace my own humanity.

Or I am bound to suffer a lonely and broken existence...never to find inner peace.

Well, having dinner with my friends certainly brought me back to a more innocent time. Even in those days, we were full of emotion....it takes very little to make the bunch of us laugh or cry. From my life in JC, I learnt that laughter may not always be an expression of happiness. Similarly, someone who cries may not be sad-just relieved or feeling something that cannot be expressed clearly in words.

We were always a close bunch...the three guys treated the girls with deep respect...and we were always there for them when they needed us. Skipping lectures, sharing answers and getting into trouble over our GP assignments meant that we were never model students. Yet we bonded through doing such things together. Nobody wanted us to graduate as mugger toads... even our teachers! They were our unwilling accomplices in our daily misdemeanours.

Years later, we would laugh at how meaningless these school rules were. At the same time, all of us know deep in our hearts that it was the desire to escape from the monotony and discipline of the school system that allowed us to become closer to each other.

We needed each other.

We needed each other when we flunked our econs tests. We needed each other when first love turned bitter. We needed each other when our pet dogs died after long bouts with ovarian cancer.

There is a very pure and strong love that I feel when I am with this bunch of friends. Not white-hot sexual tension or the fuzzy warmth that you get after a cuddle with your girlfriend...There is something very unique about the love we have for each other. In a sense, we are a family. We would be there for each other through the rough patches and the storms...We would celebrate together during times of great happiness. These are things that I would never do with some of the "friends" that I have made recently.

I will never bare my soul to the girls I pick up on a night out. I will never share my fears with the "friend's-boyfriend-who-became-my-friend-through-association". You can expect me to bolt if a long lost acquaintance comes to me for a loan of five hundred dollars.

Sam, Royston, Darrelle, Mr Tham...all of them have made my life different.

Every day, I wake up and feel like my life is one long, painful test that some higher power is subjecting me too.

And yet, when good people are sent my way, I know that there is love in this world...and this makes the long, painful test so much more bearable.