If only i was as sweet as these 

"Still a little bit of your taste

in my mouth...

Still a little bit of you laced

with my doubt...

Still a little hard to say what's going on...

Still a little bit of your ghost your witness

Still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed

You step a little closer each day...

Still I can't SAY what's going on..."

Really a day of mixed emotions....

After last night's fiasco with my mum, lunch with my cousins today was pretty good...went to Triple 3 at Meritus Mandarin...The food was great! Mostly Continental fare like Terrines and Pasta...There was also Pilau...Roast Prime Beef Ribs and Italian fish soup...

There was great seafood too...Fresh Monkfish Carpaccio...Shrimp cocktail with Caviar and Quail's eggs...

and the leg of lamb was out of this world...the flavours in the meat were slowly coaxed out by basting it over a slow and gentle flame...An assortment of fresh herbs like Oregano, Rosemary and Mountain Thyme was used to marinate the juicy, succulent lamb...Also fabulous was the lobster...I tried the Garlic and Chinese Black-bean sauce...biting into the firm and thick white flesh was an absolutely orgasmic experience...The robust and flavourful condiments complimented the subtle taste of the lobster flesh perfectly...and imbued it with a strong and spicy finish...

To round off, we had chocolate fondue and the Peach mousse..The fondue was a tad disappointing cos there were no strawberries, kiwi or marshmellows...which I consider to be the " Holy Trinity" of chocolate fondue...just some yucksy stuff like jackfruits (honestly, jackfruit in fondue? yucks) Fuji apple, Carambola, Peaches and Guava...

We had a selection of chocolates and teas to end off everything...I'm not a chocolate aficionado...but the variety was mind-boggling...there was white and dark...coffee-infused...Jasmine tea-scented...chocolates with Hazelnuts...chocolates with macademias...chocolates with little Apricot bits inside...Chocolates smothered with Turkish Delight...Maple Leaf-shaped chocolates...

wonderful...

Karine managed to apply her accountancy skills to real life (for once)...and through the use of quite a few credit card discounts and membership privileges, she managed to shave off a significant part of the bill...You go girl!

It was great to have lunch together...let's do it more often! Oh...and i hope everyone had a GREAT time :p...i did!

On a heavier note... I can't seem to let her go...It was not easy to find her again after so many years...and now she's gone for God knows how long...Haiz...really feel very empty and lost these days...like i'm drifting through life...

just doing whatever work is expected of me and then going to drink and sleep...

I hope things will get better...

And afterall...a man like me should just find a way to overcome my problems....right?

ReAdY FoR a GrEaT gAsTrO-eXpErIeNcE :p 

life has to go on

I had a great day today.

I bought ' The Glass Bead Game ' by Herman Hesse today...it is a fictional biography about an intellectual, set in the twenty third Century...The book is about the complexity of intellectual life and the emotional insecurities of the mentally gifted...Haiz...someimes i think too smart oso not good..."dio bor"? (lit.translation: "correct or not?") There always seems to be some kind of tension between the man-on-the-street and the scholar/artist/philosopher/scientist who is imbued with an extra layer of consciousness...

I followed my mum to buy some stuff from a market near Bugis...went to a dank and dusty dried goods shop.The air was very bad and the whole place stank of soiled underwear...flies were all over, having little feeding frenzies on top of mountains of shrivelled dried prawns...everything looked really crinkled up...there was something that looked like an aborted foetus in a glass jar filled with piss...oh, and some phallic-looking sea cucumbers...yuck...After my mum chose what she wanted (which was like, a pile of torrid black fungus), the lady boss ( who looked like a Harpy with super gao make up.) shrieked,

"Oi! sio ber! ka kin kah ji kor auntie siu lui!!!!" falsetto crescendo
(lit. translation: Hey! go and collect money from this woman! and make it snappy babes!)

At the word "Sio Ber"...it seemed as if the malodorous clouds had parted and a ray of sunshine was pouring forth from the chalice of Heaven...Life flowed back into my downcast face as my eager eyes became eagle eyes...I scanned the area with the felicity of a bloodhound to locate the elusive "Sio Ber" ...

Could it be that some young and radiantly fresh Nymphet was right here within this squalor? Waiting to be rescued from the mountains of shrivelled hei bee and her Harpy of an aunt by a valiant knight like yours truly? Gosh...it's almost like Rapunzel...and by the way, i hope she has long hair too...

My eyes roved frantically...as i turned...

only to find myself coming face to face with a lao lian.

" Auntie! Sa chap kor...gum xia! Lai...wa sang le ji pow kek huay...le ka ki teng chu ban-ban lim hor!"

Enough said...i can't even be bothered to translate.

Next on my agenda was lunch with grandma...Grandma hasn't fully recovered from stroke...recently her memory is becoming a little cranky too...

she called me 'Brandon'...and called Brandon 'Derrick'....which gave us the creeps cos there's no Derrick in our family.

Sometimes I think fate is macabre...i've seen photos of my grandma as a young woman looking absolutely gorgeous against the backdrop of the Niagara Falls, the Sakura showers in Hokkaido and the natural splendour of the Grand Canyon...I guess that young lady never expected the day when she would be wheelchair bound...with liver spots and collapsing teeth...getting all her grandchildrens' names mixed up...but i think my grandma is very lucky...cos she gets to live in a big, spacious mansion in Bukit Timah...with her entourage of children, grandchildren and Filipino maids loving her and fussing over her despite her liver spots and collapsed teeth...If you watch enough Channel 8 you will know that lots of old people in her situation are not as fortunate as her.

I basically slept the afternoon away...was really tired after that long, long jog in the morning...

In essence it was a beautiful day....I thought the apocalypse had come last saturday night...but i'm glad that life went on as usual...hopefully,things stay as bright as today for some time to come.

Life's Simple Pleasures... 

Princess...I want you to read this...

You really hurt me alot last night.

I've been thinking about everything for the whole day...and i've got so much in my heart.

When you came into my life...you were like summer snow...a beautiful miracle...Before you came I felt like I was living in a desert...sometimes I felt as if i was the desert...

empty...dry...lonely and barren...

You gave me life...and that is something i am very grateful for.

I think you are a very lucky girl...You can choose whether you want to love me or to love another...but i only have a choice between loving you and loving you even more...I've spent all my life searching for a special someone...and now that i've found you i really don't mind waiting for you...

It's easy for you to say,"forget about me."

It is not easy to forget someone who is such a big part of your life...When I look across the ocean it is your face i see...When i raise my eyes to the clouds God reminds me of your beauty...You are in every cup of coffee...every sip of wine...every stanza of poetry that my eyes fall upon...I think of you when the Heavens cry and rain is all around me...Your innocence is in the face of every smiling child...your wisdom in the eyes of every old person...

I am a Sinner...I am a liar...but before you i am weak and vulnerable...

and i wait for your judgement.

Still...i must thank you...you have left a light in my heart...this light follows me to the depths of my darkest fears...it gives me the strength to fight my inner demons...it gives me the will to do good... and because you have left this light within me...because i know that an Angel like you exists...the world is a safer and more beautiful place.

" People change" you once said...but no matter where you go...no matter what you become...

I want you to know that a boy is waiting for you...He yearns only to do simple things to make you happy...take you to the bridge for breakfast...keep you dry from the rain...walk you home...take you to work...make you laugh...share your sorrows...listen to the cries of your heart...protect you from those who want to treat you bad...Be your Rock when the cares of the day overwhelm you...

just as he has done before...

and no matter what Destiny leads you to...you are always this little boy's Princess...because you give him peace...and because you gave him a chance to be the gentleman he has always wanted to be..

Wine 101

Acidity: Proportion of Tartaric acid in wine. How sour wine is.

Alcohol level: Proportion of alcohol...expressed as percentage of total volume.White wine: 9%<14%.Red wine: 11%<14%

Aroma: Smell. Similar words: bouquet, fragrance, scent...All mean the same thing.

Balance: Relationship between residual sugars, alcohol, acid and tanin...When none of the above are obstrusively on the palate, wine said to be "balanced"...Good.

Blended: To mix wines of different vineyards or varieties of grapes together...Also, wine from different years...usually used to "up" the standard of mediocre wines.

Body: Wine's weight in your mouth...light, medium, full...simple as that.

chateau:French for estate where the wine was produced...eg chateau La Tour...don't be scared though it sounds cheem. (Italian-Castello)

Complex: Many different kinds of flavours and aromas...this is one of the bluffer's favourite words...to blow his cover, ask him what's the difference between complex and complicated...then watch as he stutters for a reply...works all the time.

Crisp: Sharp feeling...associated with high acidity...wines like Pouilly Fume are crisp.

Decant: to transfer wine from bottle to decanter.

dry: not sweet lah!

Finish: Impression wine leaves after you swallow or spit it out.be frank when asked to describe this...don't try to bluff...cos experts know when you are bluffing.Helpful words: strong, heavy, weak, sultry.

Fortified: Wines with added alcohol...eg madeira or port...strong...so people usually drink in small quantity.

Fruity: Another favourite word of the bluffer! To counter him, ask,"what kind of fruit? Dried?cooked?fresh?" As it is a broad descriptor...to nail the bluffer, ask specifically what kind of fruit...

Intense: Bluffers love to use this word...don't know why...it simply means how strong a particular flavour (eg Apricots) are in a wine.

New World: Any place outside Europe.(opp. Old World...in Europe)

Oaky: A wine that has flavours derived from oak...close your eyes...do you taste toast?Vanilla?Bar kwa?if something in the wine reminds you of any of the above, it may be described as oaky.

Reserve: Superior...presumably finer than usual...(Spain-Reserva,Italy-Riserva)

Skin Contact: Process during which juice rest in contact with grape skin...because the two elements are in contact, the wine absorbs the red colour and tannin in the skin-and becomes a more aromatic.

Sweetness: Impression of sugar, not actual sweetness...caused by residual sugar.

tannin: substance that leaves a wine clinging to your teeth and the sides of your mouth...feels exactly like teh-O...high in tannin=astringent.

tart: wine tastes of under-ripe fruit...too sour

Varietal: Wine named after a type of grape (eg Cabernet Sauvignon)

Vintage: Year in which wine's grapes were harvested...Good vintage-weather, soil and human factors combine to produce good grapes.Bad vintage-everything sucks and the grapes produced by the vineyard are lousy.

Weight: Impression of wine in your mouth...like body...

So don't let wine-related terms turn you off...actually, wine is not a complex subject...but wine is a complex food...there is so much culture and history in every sip...The experience of wine tasting is truly unbeatable...it saddens me that many people are put off because a minority of wine drinkers create the impression that wine is exclusively for the rich or well-to-do...

Happy wine tasting.

The Demystification Of Wine

Look...I'm sick and tired of all those people out there who profess to be connoisseurs or aficionados...or whatever you call yourselves...

Wine is meant to be enjoyed...not used as some kind of status symbol.

It's ghastly that you have to resort to a litany of metaphors and jargon just to express how much you love or hate a wine...just because you know what a bouquet or a vintage means doesn't give you the mandate to make non-drinkers appear as some inferior sub-species of homo sapien...

eg." This Chardonnay has an intense nose (vague, ambigous term that is somewhat similar to bouquet) ...fruity bouquet with hints of Rosemary, Apricots and Sage (hullo! It's wine...not fruit salad)...Firm, well-defined legs-a sure sign of strong character (?)...Perfectly balanced...but veering towards a crisp acidity whilst imbued with a strong tannic feel (clearly, the wine is schizophrenic...)...Excellent Finish (Oh Yeah? so what makes it so excellent? Bet you don't know...)...Reminds me of the summer I spent vacationing at the Margeret River at Perth...You know...with the Black Swans, the Rainbow trout and the Maples along the banks (The oldest trick in the book...saying that this wine brings back some pleasant memory...Point of Info...Maples grow in Canada, not Perth...)

Oh, and Chardonnay happens to be a type of grape...not exactly a wine...even though wine labels may have "Chardonnay" brazenly emblazoned on them...

Stop it! You are making the whole drinking experience intimidating and unpleasant...I've had the bad fortune of meeting a few phoneys in the course of wine appreciation...They think they are experts because they have read about a few wine-related terms.They believe themselves to be culturally superior to the rest of humanity...They try to impress ignorant, naive girls with their lyricsm...they pretend to be well travelled and exposed to the different wine cultures of Europe, Australia and The Americas...they beguile...they confuse...and they portray themselves as the beatified guardians of some sacred knowledge...It's appalling to see them act like intellectual aristocrats...

but blindfold them and they can't even taste the difference between Merlot and Cabernet Sauvignon...By the way, if you can't tell the difference, close your eyes and concentrate on the bouquet...C.S. is the wine that has blackcurrant hints...i.e. smells like Ribena.

My principle of enjoying wine is very simple...

"If you like it, it's good...If you don't, it's not good..."

Sadly, wine has been over-romanticized...Too many adjectives are used to describe properties that don't even belong to wine...I've heard people who describe wine to be "buttery" and "smoky"...Everybody is entitled to his opinion...but too many times I've heard people who use fancy words just to impress...at the risk of information overloading...

I don't mean to launch into an emotional tirade against these wine snobs...but I believe that the man-on-the-street should not find wine too inaccessible just because a few childish individuals make wine-tasting seem complicated subject...

To make things simpler...here's a short glossary...

Nightmare~1

I am alone in a garden..

i smell roses everywhere...and everywhere i look there are marble cherubs...all hugging harps around an impossibly pristine fountain...

the sound of skylarks and thrush-song drift across the air...resonating...pure...

but i don't feel at peace...

i stumble around in my confusion...past meandering hedges and an ancient sundial...

the sundial says it is the eleventh hour...

and i am lost

i run...

and find a Church with a tall steeple...
the clock-tower says it is the fifty-ninth minute of the eleventh hour...

and at this time Princess walks out of the Church...

She looks beautiful in her wedding dress...positively radiant...like every star in the sky focussed their energies on her countenance...she looks like she is truly happy...like this is the very moment she has been living her life for...

but the Groom is not me.

and she turns and looks at me...and she cries...but these are pure tears of joy and elation...she is enraptured to be with the man at her side...

I open my mouth to speak...but I am mute...like my vocal chords have died...I try to stand...but my legs give way...and i feel like i am in a pillory...i can't do anything...

and then she grows Angels' wings and flies away...together with her new Groom...

She throws her veil down...and i watch it spiralling in the wind...and then it turns into a raven and flies off...

and the Church fades...and the garden fades...and only a desert is left...

and my flesh withers...as i weep silently into the barren ground...

and then even this small solace is taken from me as I plunge back into our reality...

I am bathed in a cold sweat and beseiged by a deluge of irrational fears...
and my friends say i talked in my sleep...

Run

I love to run.

and when I run the world changes...

I detach myself from the environment...

I become a soulless being...existing only to push the limits of my physical form...

Words,noises...people...all become invisible...all cease to exist...

and the vivid percussive rhythm of my heart...is the only sound I can perceive in my being...

It's like being in a trance...some kind of surreal tribal dance where the dancers are lifted from the mire of reality and elevated into a higher plane of consciousness...guided by the innate natural rhythm of the human body...The adrenalin bestows us with winged sandals that allow us to fly and touch the stars...

You don't need opiates or Mandragora to pave the way to pure euphoria...you only need to focus on your destination and forget the present reality...

Running offers a form of catharsis...your worries and fears...doubts and insecurities all purged...all erased...and all the pent-up frustration...the negative energies are immediately released and expended...exorcised like legions of fleeing demons...

when i start...i don't want to stop...i want to go on and on...until the world whirls all around me in a frantic dervish...

until I forget who I am.

until I forget what I have to lose.

until I forget what it is like in the darkness.

All grown up 

I am in isolation...

in denial...

i don't know why...but i just feel so disconnected with my own life when i woke up in the morning.

I am going to try and pick up the pieces now.

I think there comes a point of time in everyone's life when you feel that you are capable of so much more than what you are doing...and it seems that your creative and intellectual growth is being suppressed...like some heavy cloud is pressing down on your young mind...

I hate the feeling.

It's like invisible bats flapping in your mind...telling you that you have something else to do...something more noble to aspire to than your day job...

So here i am...pushing twenty...frustrated...alienated...empty...

despite all the learning...all the reading and the so-called erudition...i have remained a stereotypical specimen of the Gen Y malcontent...A cardboard cut-out...a product from the factory line...with the same fears and thoughts as any angsty college kid...All made from the same mould...like little disgruntled gingerbread men...

I have tried to be a blessing to all those around me...but nothing i do seems to be enough...where is the love? Where is the sincerity?

six feet under...in an unmarked grave...that's where they are.

Oh well...maybe it's just a phase...so many friends have moved beyond this phase to lead stable, adult lifestyles...I'm sure I can too...It's just a matter of time.

I hope.

The Artist

The Artist...Ethereal...Powerful

Art is a reflection of the human condition...through it we perceive our latent desires,lusts,hopes and anxieties...We see humanity in its most natural form...and we are often forced to confront questions about death and mortality...beauty and the grostesque...illusions and our tangible present...time and the eternal conflict between Sin and Salvation...

Human intelligence is celebrated in its highest,most pristine form through the various media of creative expression...the soul is stripped bare...and the Artist is a magician that strives to elicit inexplicable,primal responses from the fanthomless waters of the human mind...The Artist peels apart the invisible artificial barriers that humanity has erected against each other...discrimination,xenophobia,intolerance,political differences...all are exfoliated the moment the Artist tells the human spirit that all of us are fundamentally the same...

In a sense,the Artist unites...The ubiquitous Animal Farm strikes a resonant chord between both the rich and poor...The beauty of The Sistine Chapel moves both the learnt and the unschooled...No matter what era...no matter what reality you live in...the themes in Shakespeares' Plays are universal...The same can be said of many books,paintings and pieces of music...Herein lies the power of The Artist...she transcends mortal boundaries of time and space and breaks down cultural and linguistic walls-showing us how identical people are.

Ironically,The Artist is not part of this common gene pool...The Artist is imbued with a consciousness...her sensory apparatus and powers of perception are beyond the scope of the average human mind...she is blessed with a sixth sense that makes fears,love,pain and all associated aspects of the human condition so much more tangible to her.

And this is a gift.

And because she has this gift, The Artist is compelled to portray the human condition as accurately and as vividly as she can...and when this instinct is militated against,the work that she produces is stunted and deformed...and she becomes lost in a tempest of self doubt....

but sometimes a spell in The Slough Of Despond is good...Through renewed contemplation and reflection,The Artist finds new wings to fly...she learns that to make mistakes is human...

and to be human is beautiful...

sometimes,the answers to Life are so simple,yet so profound...and it is not up to a single person to explain them to the whole world.

Yes...you could have done better...but God communicates with us through our mistakes...even when you think you production sucks, it is still your baby...your creation...and by facing up to your flaws...you will learn...and when you next try to sing the song of humanity...the notes will be so much clearer...so much more captivating...so much more meaningful and provocative.

Your work is intrinsically noble because it is forged with your time and your soul-the two most valuable things that an Artist can have...and even as it is flawed it is beautiful because it speaks to you and tells you how to improve...but it is up to you to hear what it has to say...

Well...all has been said...it is up to you to judge and deal with your lurking insecurities...These threaten to pull you under...but I know you

And I know you wouldn't let them...