Can you believe it?

I 've applied to go and study in Oxford!

Ok...before all who are reading this fall off their chairs in laughter, I must clarify one point...it was actually my dad who got the forms from the British Council, spoke to the people there and completed the registration...I merely signed the form and filled up the section entitled 'ABOUT YOURSELF'...

I know, I know...the whole world is going to rise forth and yell at me for not taking charge of my own learning.

But to be frank, studying overseas has not exactly been at the front of my mind...I was already hyper-elated to be accepted to NUS LAW...I mean, it's like the ultimate dream come through. However, my dad believes that an overseas education (especially in the United Kingdom) brings benefits that a local Uni education can't provide...

I don't object, but realistically speaking, it is very difficult for me to get admitted into any college in OXCAM...Oriel College for instance, only accepts 6 LAW students a year...The chances of me getting in is even less then getting a Golden Ticket if my name is not Charlie...

Well, my dad remains hopeful and optimistic though. He seems to be super-enthusiastic about sending me overseas...For the past few days, it's as if God has breathed new life into his veins...His eyes light up like fireworks when we start talking about Oxford...And he has been assiduously doing my "homework" for me. I'd hate to disappoint him...and I don't think it's right to show my pessimism (or is it realism?) in front of him...Having said that, I appreciate his efforts deeply...

I thought that the whole business of uni interviews would be over by May last year...but I'm wrong! The Application process for Oxford is so tedious! You have to apply to Oxford first...and then to a board called the UCAS...You need to attend interviews in two countries and you need a referees' letter! All these on top of excellent grades and good CCA record! Oh, and LAW applicants have to seat for a LAW NATIONAL APTITUDE TEST!!! I've spent the whole day reading the Prospecti of the various colleges and filling up the yards of forms....I even have to bother my poor ex-form teacher to be my referee...and going overseas really shortens the time I have to do admin...

Anyway, I just hope that God will bless my efforts...I'm going to give Oxford my best shot...

Maybe what Paulo Cohello said is true...maybe when you have a dream...all the forces in the universe conspire to make your dream come true...

God...please make my poor Dad's dream come true...

I saw her at the train station.

She was reading...a picture of perfect poise and serenity.

Life is funny sometimes...When you are thinking of someone all the time, what goes on in your mind is quite fantastical...

You think about what you want to tell her when you actually meet...

Going through the motions in your head, you visualise and imagine what you'd do if you really see her again...

And yet when you finally see the person who has been on your mind all this time, you are unable to react accordingly...and you may even be at a loss for words.

I know...because I've experienced it today.

For the longest time, I've been thinking of someone...an Angel from the past...the light that fills me in my darkest moments...Many times, I am simply overwhelmed by a deluge of emotion when the memories come back to me...When life was as empty as a vacuum, the times that we spent together gave me strength and hope...

I guess I'm just very, very happy to see that she is well...and that she's doing ok in school and stuff...I've always prayed for her to be blessed and protected...and to have beauty and peace follow her wherever she goes...In a sense, seeing her today seems to be the strongest affirmation of this prayer.

When she came to talk to me, I felt really blessed...She really melted me...and I really felt something pure and warm coming from deep inside my heart. I've hurt her in the past...yet she spoke to me as if all the crazy things that I've done to her never took place...for that, I am grateful and moved.

I believe in Providence...What happens after today, I shall leave it to fate. If destiny dictates that our paths shall cross again, I'd be really happy.

If not, she is always on my mind...and I will continue doing what I have been doing for the longest time...Thinking of her...Missing her...

and praying that she will be blessed.

getting my flags 

Bubble,bubble...toil and trouble...haha 

Went for coffee with Mr Tham and Lydia today...It was great seeing them again.

I really miss the days when we were still relatively close to each other and spent more time together. I guess I'm really lucky to be able to have great people to share my life with...

We had a great time talking about the events in our life, the people we have met and the places we have been to recently...Of course, I had a great time discussing the books I read with Mr Tham...He reads so widely...He's really remarkable...I must really check out some books he is reading...

Haha... I had the chance to try the legendary Blue Mountain Coffee...It's a Premium blend of gourmet coffee from the Blue Mountain Range of Jamaica...I found it to be an intense and aromatic blend...It has a rather spicy bouquet and is not as sharp as Kenyan AA...but it has a very distinctive "roasted" flavour...According to a coffee connoiseurs' guide, it allegedly exudes "sandalwood and ivory" aromas...both of which my nose failed to detect...I enjoyed the full-bodied nature of the brew...and the piquant after-taste simply lingers on your palate for hours at end...I'd liken it to a mature Bordeaux...in the sense that both are strong and robust...with a very pronounced finish.

After coffee, we went to a bookshop were one of Mr Tham's friends was working. He introduced us to Rachel, who has an encyclopediac knowledge of books. Lydia and I were simply blown away by her...She has this uncanny knack of profiling people according to their tastes in books...Incidentally, Rachel and I share the same literature teacher...I think Miss Lim would be so, so proud...haha

It was a great afternoon and I was sad to part with them...but I am eagerly looking forward to seeing them again!

5 books I have to read:

1) Martin Luther King's Memoirs

2)Haruki Murakami's "Kafka On The Shore"

3)Dostoyevsky's "The Idiot"

4)The Motorcycle Diaries (will start after "Brothers K.")

5) Yoshimoto's "Lizard"

The apparatus they use to brew the Blue Mountain... 

The Blue Mountain! 

At the gates of Desire...literally...afterall, this restaurant is called Desire! 

Mango Compote served in a shot glass...perfect for perking up our palates 

The Starter...A Bloody-Mary inspired Ceviche of Mud crab and Bass in Tabasco broth...heavily accented with a Central American flavour. 

The Entree was a juicy and flavourful crayfish served with an eclectic Aubergine Roast and a surreal Longan-rice... 

Succulent Beef Tenderloin with Bordeaux Reduction...Medium Rare 70 per cent...just the way I like it. 

The delectable Barley-Risotto with Zucchini and Thyme 

Today's Disease

These days i'm feeling more and more edgy and high-strung.

I don't know why.

I'm not sure if it's the increased training tempo in camp...but the tension in me is getting more pronounced each passing day. I am lost in my dark hive of chaotic thoughts and childish insecurities. I'm so irrational and neurotic these days that I scare the people around me.

Admittedly, I've never been the most sanguine guy in the world.

In the past, I used to be prone to emotional extremities...My mood was constantly vacillating between the peaks of fear and elation....I could know no moderation because I was a person who possessed a very intense spirit.

I'd like to think that I've mellowed in the past couple of years...However, my recent behaviour seems to prove otherwise...These days, I snap at people easily and I'm becoming even more impatient and impetous...I am constantly irritable and I think I've somewhat alienated myself from the people who are dearest to me...The fact that I can't place a finger on my current situation compounds my sense of frustration and makes me even more confused!

I've received all kinds of advice on how to deal with my current ailment...

The Bohemians tell me to "go with the flow..."
The fighters tell me to "get over it...don't let yourself become weak".
The poetic tell me that Ernest Hemingway suffered just as I did...
The pious tell me to pray for a sign...
The Hedonists want me to drown my sorrows with them...
The elder generation can't hear my voice

I can't seem to concentrate on my work...Everything seems to be just a matter of going through the motion...My relationship with my colleagues seems to be getting more strained because I alternate between temperamental outbursts and periods of implosive, passive silence...Everyone wants to know what's eating me these days...

Honestly, I don't know.

Maybe it's just a passing phase...a part of growing up...maybe it's really the hectic training schedule...Maybe it's some hormonal imbalance?

Maybe it's time to see a Shrink...

On Russian Men and Women

I managed to get my hands on Dostoyevsky's 'The Brothers Karamazov'...and I have been absolutely enthralled by the sinuous but intriguing plot and the moral questions the book raises...I've taken a fancy towards Russian literature ever since Tolstoy's Anna Karenina...Somehow, Russian writers have the most sublime ways to convey the bleakness of the human condition that Dickens, at his greatest, was still unable to achieve.

Russian men in the novels are almost always drunkards or wife-beaters...those who already have liver cancer (and hence can't drink) or have no wife (and thus can't beat their wife) , are either insane or delirious...Oh, there is also the occasional decadent and hedonistic aristocrat who is plunging straight into perdition but is unaware (rather blithely) of his morbid fate...Great Russian writers seem to have an uncanny penchant towards imbuing the male characters with physical deformaties or emotional scars...For instance, the archetypal old discharged soldier, who has witnessed the violent demise of his comrades and is now either half-blind or suffering from Typhus...

It's also noteworthy that Russian men fall into two dichotymous social extremities: Dirt-poor serf or filthy rich nobleman/industrialist...Usually, the dirt poor serf foments ideas of social revolution and sees the bourgouise and the ruling classes as parasites that live off the hard work of the ever-suffering peasants...The serfs tend to be easily deceived and beguiled by glib-tongued Union leaders or Party cadres with dubious motives...they tend to be seduced by the promise of freedom and liberation from their tyrannical masters....As for the rich landowners...slaves are...well, just slaves...they prefer not to think so much, because they have more important things to tend to.Fox-hunting, for instance.haha

Fortunately, the Russian woman is given a less harsh treatment in most Russian works...She is often portrayed as the long-suffering victim of spousal abuse...the patient but somewhat weak lioness of the den. On many occasions, female characters are shown protecting their children from some horrid form of abuse by their drunk and temperamental husbands...Alas, most of their efforts tend to be futile and meaningless, as the Man Of The House often succeeds in giving everyone an A-class Ass-whooping...Where the women succeed in protecting the children, some drastic event usually takes place...for instance, they may accidentally kill their husband.haha

It is interesting to note that the Russian woman in the books I have read are always suffering from some malaise...Typhoid, Dysentry, Cholera, Syphillis , leprosy, alcoholism, blindness, Goitre, Lyphus, Depression...and the writers' favourite-Schizophrenia...the list is non-exhaustive! I guess this explains why there are no insurance companies in old Russia...all of them would just go bust.

Russian women often have to mop up the mess that their husbands, fathers and brothers leave...for instance, they may have to sell their bodies to pay the sod's debts...or maybe they have to be the foster-mothers of their husband's illegitimate children...all this time, the man is usually galivanting somewhere amongst harlots and pimps...No wonder the women are always in a bad mood...and are almost always attempting suicide

Ah...how fascinating to learn about the people of other cultures!